Again–The idea of 1 (or 2) spreads for each major arcana card is taken (as are the spreads) from Rachel Pollack’s excellent book Tarot Wisdom. As often as possible I am using the textual definitions from Ms Pollack’s book as otherwise there exists a possibility of skewing the meanings to serve my own ends rather than get any insight into what the cards are showing me. Recently I have also been taking (for the minor arcana) cards some of the textual definitions from Eileen Connolly’s Tarot: The First Handbook for the Master. Way back when I started working with the cards Ms. Connolly’s Tarot for the Apprentice was one of the first books I used.
Lately tho, I have had a new insight. That if the goal of these readings is a greater internal knowledge and understanding these forces then subjectivity may just be the way to go. Still I will give Ms Pollack’s and Ms. Connolly’s definitions because I feel it may be useful for anyone reading this to follow along. By all means feel free to comment.

1)What structure have I had in my life?	The Lovers
2)How has it confined me?	VI of Pentacles (Rev)
3)How has it strengthened me?	IV of Cups
4)What breaks it apart?	VI of Wands (Rev)
5)How are others affected?
…A?	VII of Wands
…Z?	X of Pentacles (Rev)
…AM?	The Empress (Rev)
…fam?	Page of Swords (Rev)
6) What can emerge?	X of Wands (Rev)
7) What do I have to do?	Knight of Wands

Interpretation

1) What structure have I had in my life? The Lovers

“First of all it signals love”

“The querent may have to make some difficult choice, maybe between a temptation and what the person knows he should do. Vice and virtue.”

“Another possible meaning is adolescence, or a person coming to new levels of themselves. Finally, it can mean a person in harmony with her or his various levels”

A few things have seemed to remain pretty consistent about my adult life. One would be that despite seeing myself as a loner, there has been relatively few periods of time when I did not find myself in the middle of a romantic relationship. I don’t know that this has come from any particular need or intention as much as that has been the flow. Don’t mistake me, i have learned so much from each person and I intend staying with A. for the duration..

I have had a tendency to go to extremes in my life and find that I keep feeling pulled alternately towards virtue and vice, I have seen that as part of the human condition tho perhaps I’ve been more elastic than most in not holding on to any particular reality tunnel and what constitutes virtue from one point of view would be seen as heinous from another and vice versa (versa vice).

I believe that everything that has brought me to the place I seem to be at now in my life has been towards harmonizing the various parts of myself. That may be delusion but I think I’ll stick with it….

2) How has it confined me? VI of Pentacles (Rev)

“Expectations are not met. Disappointed and unable to have control in situation. Injustice, totally unfair”

“Create the security you find lacking. Could mean a move”

“If being your good self causes jealousy, examine why”

This resonates  in all kinds of ways for me. When I find myself in relationship, I deal with someone else’s expectations on a constant basis intimately. I mean unless we live in a cave on a mountain in total solitude, we all find ourselves dealing with how other people perceive us and either exceeding or not living up to what they expect. When in an intimate relationship this feeling can be constant. I have found that letting go of the need to live up to your partner’s expectations help. I believe that at a deep level, most of us want our partners to be happy but their happiness cannot come at the expense of our own, not if we wish the relationship to stay healthy

3) How has it strengthened me? IV of Cups

“Do not reinforce your feelings by separating yourself from what you can be To break this pattern, enjoy your potential.”

“Think about tomorrow. Let the past go. It’s time to light up!” (Note from GR: I wonder if she means lighten up, tho could see the point)”The past won’t change. You can”

“Consider offers/ propositions during the next 10 days. Move into a secure position must be solid, no risk taking. Changing cycles should change your opinion towards success.”

“Someone is trying to reach you. Has much to offer. Get in touch with yourself now”

“A family or other group where emotions are structured possibly by everyone having a role”

Hmmm, Several weeks ago in another of these Major Trump readings, a card came out that stated that that my family was my greatest strength and this  seems to confirm it.

Also, I like to think that one of my strengths would be my ability to adapt, to let go of the past and move forward, to explore something new, to make another choice to bring it in line with the Lovers being what my structure is created out of.

4)What breaks it apart? VI of Wands (Rev)

“Feel unappreciated. Tired of the obstacles. Your cycle is vacillating. Stop Worrying, Within 30 days a new energy,”

“You can’t change what has already happened. It is water under the bridge. Move on”

“Let go of the string that others may want to pull. Refuse to be intimidated. Review and revise schedule. You wiil have to make some changes before you get the results you want. Tension can affect judgement. Clear the air and plant new roots”

Ah , lessons learned….It used to feel so easy, to know that no matter how difficult my current situation was, I knew where the door was and I could  and would walk through it. I would admit to my culpability for allowing the situation to happen and getting caught up in it and found myself in a new relationship, job, living situation etc at the drop of a hat.

In other words, I avoided every opportunity I had to do the work on myself necessary not to land me in difficult situations in the first place, among them not letting myself feel loved because I was lovable and thus love myself more. Thank the universe and all the gods and goddesses that in the last 10 years I have grown out of that one. I feel loved and I love. I can’t change the qualities in my partner that drive me crazy (less and less these days), I can change letting myself be consumed by anger by them…I can also screw up but keep working on it. I have learned to let go of the string a bit and not be as quickly manipulated into a fight or argument.

5) How are others affecter?

a) A….?  VII of Wands

“You can make it! You can meet the challenge. Examine resources take the time. Regain balance, then act”

“Karmic memory is urging you to succeed. This path is not unfamiliar. The answer is YES.”

“You know you can do it. Are you ready for when you do? Interview or meeting can improve the whole situation. Someone needs more convincing. Don’t assume, informe”

“No time to rest on laurels, Take it one step further.”

Ah implied success in my relationship. After 11+ years, that feels like a good thing 🙂 The fact that the timing was right and that A is extremely patient  and allowing of other’s patience and that we both have good communication skills is also a good thing. In the end what makes a relationship work or not work? Can anyone be sure of the answer to that? Instead it seems to consist of a checklist

a) communication?   yes

b) appreciation of who your partner consists of? yes  ( i would say most of the time on both our parts 😉 )

c) tolerance of things that might bug you? yes (i would say most of the time on both our parts 😉 )

d) shared goals? mainly, as a couple, almost definitely, as individuals, not necessarily but i don’t believe our goals are at odds with each other

e) shared humour — almost definitely

f) willing to be seen as flawed by my partner? Yes

g) willing to accept that neither of us will say the right thing, anywhere close to 100% of the time….yes

b) Z?  X of Pentacles (Rev)

“Essential that you deal with the problems and avoid creating new ones–Meaningful discipline change the end result”

“Conserve energies. Begin a new plan. Don’t cling to old idea. Next seed can work.”

“Sacrificing security for adventure or new experience”

Wow, this could be a heavy one. At some point Z will be old enough to start hearing about my adventures. How will they affect him? Will he want to go off at an early age and have adventures of his own???? and how will I handle that? It is such a learning and teaching plan, and the card talks a bit about growing the seed.

c) Am?     The Empress (Rev)

Am is very concrete and literal minded and unfortunately from an early age has been pretty repressed . For her reality tends to be remade not as she would have it but often as she believes others wish her to have it . She often appears to find  my changeable, somewhat abstract nature not a whole lot of fun to deal with. Still she enjoys it when I show my more playful side.

d) fam?  Page of Swords (Rev)

“Learning to relax, to trust people”

hmmm Earth of Air  a combination that either transports seeds to new places to grow (Vancouver, from CT 😉 ) or one that can get grit in one’s eyes, never fun. I have been both to my family  and it still feels that its a pretty recent development that i’ve discovered the amount of respect that many members of my family have for me and of course me for them.

6) What can emerge? X 0f Wands (Rev)

“Experiencing the results of bad judgement. Need to make amends. Out of synch with your original intent. Stop now. Go back to the drawing board.”

“if it doesn’t feel right then it isn’t right. halt! Don’t ask “Who’s There.” It’s YOU. Wrong place. Wrong time.”

“Doesn’t have to be this way. This time be determined. Be more discerning when you make people choices in your business life. Not a good time to invest”

Large hmmmm to a lot of this except that like any human structure or societal structure, mine would appear subject to falling down unless the weaknesses are attended to. so cautionary tales abound.

7) What do I have to do? Knight of Wands

“Adventure, daring, someone energetic and forceful. As a person, he can be very charming, confident. This can be a card for travel.”

Air of Fire, someone who is creative and inspires creativity, ever youthful, sometimes a bit too over-confident. For me, in many ways, an ideal. “With sincere heart attempting to benefit all below”