Awake?

What does it mean to wake up? “I was asleep but I’m awake now” “Wake up! You’ll be late for / will miss/ are missing something.

Lately after what seems a far too long period of sleepwalking through my life, ignoring half of the things i know, keeping things as surface as possible, lost in the mundane, possibly working on my root stuff, i feel like I have awaken. There is definitely a new balance in the air. I am becoming aware of things that i have known but forgotten and perhaps things that I have never realized before. It is quite a trip.

Who am I?  Whoever the voice in your head says that I am. It might surprise both of us.

Books being read: Tarot for Writers by Kenner; In the Earth Abides the Flame by Russell Kirkpatrick

I seek to go where i haven’t before–to gain new stories to amuse myself and others. I wish to reflect and be reflected–to learn to teach–to exist-to entertain and to grow in love and the capacity to love but things happen when they are ready and i will not force the issue. 🙂 Walk with me, visit and we’ll share.

Video of the day — Nina Simone-Feelings (Montreux Jazz Festival)

This is intense but rather amazing.

The Empress

“Through her door i came upon her
and through her door the world appeared
Creation in all its glory
wheat, and fruit, swans filled the air
She led me through her magick kingdom
wheat grew high, and flowers bloomed
the river breeze caressed us
i tried to think but couldn’t care
for all i saw i loved and wanted
all i needed reached for me
the stars in her hair blinded me
and the moon laid at her feet
She held me until the morning
oh magic night lost to her love
and gained, expression imagination
fruitful creativity”

The Magician

Last night i focused on the magician card in the tarot. Funny, would have expected Merlin and Gandalf instead found myself standing in the magicians spot channeling energy and feeling myself blocked at first and later more successful. The only frustrating thing was that i was hoping to ask for some direction only to find that the direction needs to come from myself. *sigh*

Surfing the Schrodinger Wave

I am but am not

I hang five on the wave that never collapses

The uncertainty doesn’t bother me

The paradox can be paradoctored

It is I that decide

Ignoring the ten doors that lead to 10 kingdoms

I seek beyond the veil

facing the nightmares that make me i

until i find the not i through which the world changes.

Only if it matters not where i go or whether i go

can i continue

for if it matters then the matter contains me

and it is my will not to be contained.

Game For Friends

Each person should write down (or think of) 5-10 questions. The type that keep you awake pondering at 3 Am in the morning. The questions can be personal or philosophical. (ie “What should I do in this situation?” or “What is my purpose?”)

Then each person in turn pretends to be the personification of a higher being (according to their own belief system), such as an angel or a an alien from an advanced civilization. This person should listen to the questions that the other person (people) have written down and answer them with the first thing that comes to her/his mind.

Prepare to have some mind-blowing results.

Reflections–Then & Now

Who am I?
I ask the face in the mirror
What do you think about?
What makes you tick?
I can ask these questions all day
yet never get an answer
from the silent reflection
that lies within
I plead and I beg
Still the mirror never tells me
the things i need to know
I’ve lost touch with myself
over the years
I’ve built up defenses
so that i can not be hurt
especially from within
and so have become a hollow shell
Having run out of tears long ago
I cannot cry for anyone
not even myself
so cry for me someone
…please

–Gary Rosenberg 17

Welcome old friend
I greet my reflection
and thank you for joining me today
There’s no answer
but by his smile
i know its ok
and the greeting from my oldest friend is heartfelt
For a long while I thought we had lost touch
that i was but a shell
and he but an uncaring trick of the light
Little did i know that it was a cocoon
that would soon emerge
able to do, able to be, able to love and be loved
a sublime intricate moth
even if no butterfly
Who knew the old caterpillar had me inside.
If i could send him just one message
that caterpillar, so bitter, afraid and alone
through the ever patient reflection
that we have shared through time
“It gets better”

—Gary Rosenberg, 47

Facts about Me–Facebook Note February 11, 2009

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 (or more) people (in the right-hand corner of the page), then click Publish.)

1. I live in Canada tho was born and grew up in the USA. This gives me the ability to be with the person i love and to raise our son together.

2. One of my core values is a quote from Spider Robinson “Shared Joy is Increased, shared pain lessened”

3. I am fascinated by religion, myths, and legends. Anybody’s. Anytime’s. If you understand a person’s beliefs and their mythologies (cultural and personal) you are halfway to understanding the person

4. My mother with three children married my step-father with three children. To this day my mother hates Florence Henderson. Tho, if you read any of their auto-biographies it is pretty clear that not even the Brady Bunch was the Brady Bunch.

5. In my life professionally I have sold furniture, cleaned carpets, run convenience stores, run an Internet Service Provider, created webpages, trained and tutored people on how to use their computers, data-mined, read tarot cards and tea-leaves, owned and ran a used book and record store, ran workshops for self-advocates, facilitated life-planning meetings, foster-parented, and did community support work for people with disabilities.

6. I married Aaron in May of 1999. It was a Jewish Ceremony held in a Native American long house. A good deal of my family was in attendance.

7. Over the last 10 years Aaron and I have been foster parents to four kids, each with their own special needs. Niall, who is now an adult living on Vancouver Island, Mark, whom I home-schooled through 6th and part of 7th grade, who now lives in Vancouver, Terry, who also lives in Vancouver now who is still struggling quite a bit and his sister Amanda who is still with us who is graduating this year.

8. In 2002, Aaron and I became the proud parents of Zev Shane Ocean Johannes Rosenberg, then 3 now 10, a truly amazing kid.

9. I am a voracious reader and will enjoy reading just about anything. My current favorite writers are Neil Gaiman, Joseph Campbell, Christopher Rice, Spider Robinson, Susan Clarke, Michael Chabon and too many others.

10. I believe it is better to light a candle then to curse the darkness. One should make sure the candles are extinguished tho before going to sleep.

11. My family has 2 dogs, 2 cats, 3 budgies and a brain-damaged rabbit named Luke Skyhopper.

12. At least 75% of the rumours about me are true 😉

13. Tho it is hopelessly stereotypical, I love theatre, particularly musicals. My favourites that i have seen recently are Spring Awakening and Little Shop of Horrors.

14. I love to sing tho I don’t do it well. Still I have an amazing memory for song lyrics.

15. I dabble at playing the guitar and keyboards.

16. I have been in every state in the lower 48 and hope to make it into Alaska and Hawaii.

17. I have pretty eclectic taste in music. These days about the only stuff I don’t enjoy listening to is Gangsta Rap and Death Metal and their variants tho could probably find music in both those categories that I respect.

18. Before we got married Aaron told me I would have to go camping outdoors at least once a year. I think he may even have written it into the marriage contract 🙂
And so I have. After 9 years, i am finally getting the hang of sleeping in at tent. Plus it is hard to resist when you camp next to the beaches out in nature and only in campgrounds that have showers and toilets 🙂

19. I have learned a lot from all four of my parents. From my father comes a sense that if i put my mind to it, I can achieve anything with hard work, brains and luck. Also most of the stranger aspects of my sense of humour come from my dad. From my mother, a sardonic quick wit and a sense of tact and when to use it and when not to. Also, I have learned how to make my kids know that I am there for them. From my step-father, a love of word play and a sense of tolerance. From my step-mother, I have the ability to fit into almost any social situation. That and much better posture 🙂

20. At 47 I have learned to accept responsibility for my own life. Was I raised perfectly. Hell no!!! Nobody ever showed my parents the manual on how to have a perfect family life. (Dang, nobody ever showed it to me either) At the same time, I have been an adult for over 25 years and have had responsibility for myself for more years than they have. i am the product of choices that I have made. The blame and credit falls on my shoulders. Life is too short to hold grudges or carry around childhood or teenage baggage.

21. Somewhere in the last several years, i have become someone I like to hang around with. That is a pretty amazing feeling.

22. As a family, our favourite television shows are Dr Who and its spinoffs (Torchwood and Sarah Jane Smith) adventures. British televeision in general rocks.

23. One of my favorite accomplishments of the past 10 years has been the workshops on Computer Safety for Self-Advocates that I have done. Being able to get up in front of a roomful of people and talk coherently for a few hours on one topic and hold their attention is never something that I thought I could do. Having it be fun and getting positive feedback from it has been amazing.

24. “If you can’t understand my silence, you will never understand my words.”

25.

The Universe Lies Within