“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have
And step into the darkness of the unknown
Believe that one of the two will happen to you
Either you’ll find something solid to stand on
Or you’ll be taught how to fly!”
Off to Connecticut soon for the memorial service and to see family. Once more a farewell tho I feel in ways my mother’s presence closer than I have in years. Today I went to Shine, the tea restaurant and wellness place that I go to for Kambucha and yoga. The owner put her hand on my arm and said “You’re happy right” and I realized she was correct.
Mourning feels somewhat farcical when I realize that my mother now exists without the pain that has been part of her existence for the past 10 years. Unencumbered by the physical, she now embarks on whatever the next stage may be and knowing my mother, she travels first class (but then when it comes to spirit, don’t we all?)
Can I share this with my family? They showed so much fear in the hospital, of sickness and death and wish to mourn in the traditional Jewish way (the irony of it being called Shiva does not escape me, every culture shares connections) I honour their grief and the expression of it tho find elements of it uncomfortable, i guess lessons to be learned for all of us. Namaste
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The Stuff that Dreams Are Made of by G A Rosenberg
“I died a mineral and became a plant.
I died a plant and rose an animal.
I died an animal and I was a man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as man, to soar
With the blessed angels; but even from angel hood
I must pass on. All except God perishes.
When I have sacrificed my angel soul,
I shall become that which no mind ever conceived.
O, let me not exist! for Nonexistance proclaims,
“To Him we shall return.””
Heavy Thoughts and feelings running through tonight. On love and death. In the next day or so, as in the proceeding few days, I will have to say goodbye in this lifetime to my mother. She’s been very sick for quite awhile and I know that it in many ways is a good thing. She will slip this physical shell , that is the least important part of her and go on to the next great adventure. Still those of us left behind will miss her greatly. Many people, including myself find her to be an extraordinary woman and much of who I am comes from her. Elements of my sense of humour, my impatience with foolishness and my passion comes from her for sure.
Still as I said, it has been evident for some time that she has been ready to go on, emotionally, mentally and physically.
I have to say all in all I disagree with Dylan Thomas. Going gently into that good night can sometimes be the best thing possible. Asking someone to rage against it out of a desire to hold someone here when their bodies and minds are suffering seems cruel. Sorry about the heaviness of my words but I won’t apologize for the heaviness of my being. I will miss being able to call my mother up whenever I have something on my mind or just to say hi. I will miss our political discussions and I will miss her greatly. Of course she lives on in my heart and in my memories and I don’t believe that there is EVER a dying of the light but that the light continues its journey through eternity ever becoming. Namaste. –G A Rosenberg
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Pulled into Love’s Orbit by G A Rosenberg