reading - Waking Spirals

Tower Wisdom Reading

Again–The idea of 1 (or 2) spreads for each major arcana card is taken (as are the spreads) from Rachel Pollack’s excellent book Tarot Wisdom. As often as possible I am using the textual definitions from Ms Pollack’s book as otherwise there exists a possibility of skewing the meanings to serve my own ends rather than get any insight into what the cards are showing me. Recently I have also been taking (for the minor arcana) cards some of the textual definitions from Eileen Connolly’s Tarot: The First Handbook for the Master. Way back when I started working with the cards Ms. Connolly’s Tarot for the Apprentice was one of the first books I used.
Lately tho, I have had a new insight. That if the goal of these readings is a greater internal knowledge and understanding these forces then subjectivity may just be the way to go. Still I will give Ms Pollack’s and Ms. Connolly’s definitions because I feel it may be useful for anyone reading this to follow along. By all means feel free to comment.

Note: I can see that this reading is probably not one that the interpretation will come easy one. I will be posting my interpretation tomorrow–feel free to comment with your own. I don’t believe that any insight is ever wrong.

1) What lives in the house of God?	High Priestess (Rev)
2)What destroys it?	Strength (Rev)
3) What is liberated?	The Lovers (Rev)
4) What happens after destruction?	X of Pentacles
5) What begins?	VI of Swords

Interpretation

1) What lives in the house of God? High Priestess (Rev)
“Reversed the High Priestess may call on us to get involved again in the world, especially if we’ve spent a time cut off from people, exploring our inner lives.”
“If we stay too long in that state we can find it hard to get back our lives, our responsibilities, our relationships.”
“The reversed card can remind us to be passionate, to commit ourselves, to something to someone.”
“In some contexts it may indicate presure from people or a lack of respect from those around us”
OK, this would seem to be a reading and a card where context is key. The Tower or House of God is all about the structures that we build ourselves to hang reality on. In this case, I choose to use House of God interchangeably with my preferred term (by way of Robert Anton Wilson and Timothy Leary) reality tunnel. What would the High Priestess Reversed mean in this context? I believe that to a large extent, our reality tunnels are defined by our interactions with other people. Whether it is the baby’s and infant’s interaction with his parents or school or clubs or other kids. As we get older, and become more aware, we start forming our own view of reality that may be separate from those around us. More and more as we go within, we test the precepts and stated perceptions that we are exposed to and form our own towers. When we isolate ourselves, our tunnels grow larger and larger but they remain untested. It is only by once again engaging ourselves with others that we can find if our reality tunnel can remain intact when faced with outside stimulus. Even if the stimulus comes from the people we have attracted into our lives.

2) What destroys it? Strength (Rev)

” Reversed might mean the desires unchecked, giving into temptation, especially sexual”
“Improper use of strength”
“Trying to be strong when pushed beyond endurance”
“Weakness, or a person who doubts his or her own strength”

OK , so if the people we draw into our lives and the framework that we build up around them is what lives in the Tower, then what destroys it is improper realization of our own strength, trying to keep mistaken beliefs about ourselves going, even when we have overwhelming evidence that reality is so much bigger than we had ever given credit to, that even holding onto one view of reality inflexibly thus hastening its fall.

Additionally, another way that Strength (Rev) may destroy one’s reality tunnel is if one has so much self-doubt that they listen to someone else’s interpretation of reality and choose to believe it without verifying each part with their own inner self. Most of us have been raised to believe what our parents believe (ie Judeo-Christianity, Islam, Buddhism etc) At some point, many of us reach a crisis of faith when something in our perceived reality contradicts that which we’ve been taught.

3) What is liberated? The Lovers (Rev)

“The Lovers reversed usually means trouble in a relationship.”

“prolonged adolescence that keeps some people involved in childish fantasies long after their bodies have fully matured”

The Lovers card deals with relationships and choices. There would appear to me to be no more fundamental relationship of choice to our very being than our relationship to reality. We define ourselves by our reality tunnels. When they collapse under the weight of our misconceptions and internal inconsistencies, it is those inconsistencies that are liberated. If we keep spending more money than we know we bring in, eventually we won’t have money or credit to spend (just to use one example). Another example is the person who keeps ending up in relationships with someone who will batter them physically and/or emotionally. It is only when the admission that they feel that they deserve to be beaten is liberated from the construction materials of the tunnel (or Tower if you will and yes I do think the allegory may be getting a bit thick around here) that they can build a reality in which they deserve to be loved and treated well.

4) What happens after the destruction? X of Pentacles

“A Feeling of Security. Now you have a solid base.”

“Must contend with changing cycles. Disciplined order of solidification.”

“If you believe what you say. It is no longer a gamble”

“Dreams becoming reality”

When the illusion gets destroyed, what remains would be the real, the solid. We may be devastated but one cycle has ended and now we have a new cycle in which we can rebuild something stronger, something that will hopefully be longer lasting. Above all else there seems to remain a feeling of relief, we have purged the shit from our lives so what remains feels truer.

5)What begins? VI of Swords

“You are running over the bridge of swords. You are healing with the effort. Expect a triumphant sun when you are on the other side”

“A difficult cycle is now on its last phase. The nature of this karma begins a new hope as it comes to completion.”

“You may feel devastated but its almost like you knew”

This fits in nicely with the idea of building afresh from the remains in the ruins once our tower has collapsed. In the rebuilding, we heal with new hope. We may carry scars from the devastation but now we can go onwards.

Tarot-The Tower Reading

1)What structure have I had in my life?	The Lovers
2)How has it confined me?	VI of Pentacles (Rev)
3)How has it strengthened me?	IV of Cups
4)What breaks it apart?	VI of Wands (Rev)
5)How are others affected?
…A?	VII of Wands
…Z?	X of Pentacles (Rev)
…AM?	The Empress (Rev)
…fam?	Page of Swords (Rev)
6) What can emerge?	X of Wands (Rev)
7) What do I have to do?	Knight of Wands

Interpretation

1) What structure have I had in my life? The Lovers

“First of all it signals love”

“The querent may have to make some difficult choice, maybe between a temptation and what the person knows he should do. Vice and virtue.”

“Another possible meaning is adolescence, or a person coming to new levels of themselves. Finally, it can mean a person in harmony with her or his various levels”

A few things have seemed to remain pretty consistent about my adult life. One would be that despite seeing myself as a loner, there has been relatively few periods of time when I did not find myself in the middle of a romantic relationship. I don’t know that this has come from any particular need or intention as much as that has been the flow. Don’t mistake me, i have learned so much from each person and I intend staying with A. for the duration..

I have had a tendency to go to extremes in my life and find that I keep feeling pulled alternately towards virtue and vice, I have seen that as part of the human condition tho perhaps I’ve been more elastic than most in not holding on to any particular reality tunnel and what constitutes virtue from one point of view would be seen as heinous from another and vice versa (versa vice).

I believe that everything that has brought me to the place I seem to be at now in my life has been towards harmonizing the various parts of myself. That may be delusion but I think I’ll stick with it….

2) How has it confined me? VI of Pentacles (Rev)

“Expectations are not met. Disappointed and unable to have control in situation. Injustice, totally unfair”

“Create the security you find lacking. Could mean a move”

“If being your good self causes jealousy, examine why”

This resonates in all kinds of ways for me. When I find myself in relationship, I deal with someone else’s expectations on a constant basis intimately. I mean unless we live in a cave on a mountain in total solitude, we all find ourselves dealing with how other people perceive us and either exceeding or not living up to what they expect. When in an intimate relationship this feeling can be constant. I have found that letting go of the need to live up to your partner’s expectations help. I believe that at a deep level, most of us want our partners to be happy but their happiness cannot come at the expense of our own, not if we wish the relationship to stay healthy

3) How has it strengthened me? IV of Cups

“Do not reinforce your feelings by separating yourself from what you can be To break this pattern, enjoy your potential.”

“Think about tomorrow. Let the past go. It’s time to light up!” (Note from GR: I wonder if she means lighten up, tho could see the point)”The past won’t change. You can”

“Consider offers/ propositions during the next 10 days. Move into a secure position must be solid, no risk taking. Changing cycles should change your opinion towards success.”

“Someone is trying to reach you. Has much to offer. Get in touch with yourself now”

“A family or other group where emotions are structured possibly by everyone having a role”

Hmmm, Several weeks ago in another of these Major Trump readings, a card came out that stated that that my family was my greatest strength and this seems to confirm it.

Also, I like to think that one of my strengths would be my ability to adapt, to let go of the past and move forward, to explore something new, to make another choice to bring it in line with the Lovers being what my structure is created out of.

4)What breaks it apart? VI of Wands (Rev)

“Feel unappreciated. Tired of the obstacles. Your cycle is vacillating. Stop Worrying, Within 30 days a new energy,”

“You can’t change what has already happened. It is water under the bridge. Move on”

“Let go of the string that others may want to pull. Refuse to be intimidated. Review and revise schedule. You wiil have to make some changes before you get the results you want. Tension can affect judgement. Clear the air and plant new roots”

Ah , lessons learned….It used to feel so easy, to know that no matter how difficult my current situation was, I knew where the door was and I could and would walk through it. I would admit to my culpability for allowing the situation to happen and getting caught up in it and found myself in a new relationship, job, living situation etc at the drop of a hat.

In other words, I avoided every opportunity I had to do the work on myself necessary not to land me in difficult situations in the first place, among them not letting myself feel loved because I was lovable and thus love myself more. Thank the universe and all the gods and goddesses that in the last 10 years I have grown out of that one. I feel loved and I love. I can’t change the qualities in my partner that drive me crazy (less and less these days), I can change letting myself be consumed by anger by them…I can also screw up but keep working on it. I have learned to let go of the string a bit and not be as quickly manipulated into a fight or argument.

5) How are others affecter?

a) A….? VII of Wands

“You can make it! You can meet the challenge. Examine resources take the time. Regain balance, then act”

“Karmic memory is urging you to succeed. This path is not unfamiliar. The answer is YES.”

“You know you can do it. Are you ready for when you do? Interview or meeting can improve the whole situation. Someone needs more convincing. Don’t assume, informe”

“No time to rest on laurels, Take it one step further.”

Ah implied success in my relationship. After 11+ years, that feels like a good thing 🙂 The fact that the timing was right and that A is extremely patient and allowing of other’s patience and that we both have good communication skills is also a good thing. In the end what makes a relationship work or not work? Can anyone be sure of the answer to that? Instead it seems to consist of a checklist

a) communication? yes

b) appreciation of who your partner consists of? yes ( i would say most of the time on both our parts 😉 )

c) tolerance of things that might bug you? yes (i would say most of the time on both our parts 😉 )

d) shared goals? mainly, as a couple, almost definitely, as individuals, not necessarily but i don’t believe our goals are at odds with each other

e) shared humour — almost definitely

f) willing to be seen as flawed by my partner? Yes

g) willing to accept that neither of us will say the right thing, anywhere close to 100% of the time….yes

b) Z? X of Pentacles (Rev)

“Essential that you deal with the problems and avoid creating new ones–Meaningful discipline change the end result”

“Conserve energies. Begin a new plan. Don’t cling to old idea. Next seed can work.”

“Sacrificing security for adventure or new experience”

Wow, this could be a heavy one. At some point Z will be old enough to start hearing about my adventures. How will they affect him? Will he want to go off at an early age and have adventures of his own???? and how will I handle that? It is such a learning and teaching plan, and the card talks a bit about growing the seed.

c) Am? The Empress (Rev)

Am is very concrete and literal minded and unfortunately from an early age has been pretty repressed . For her reality tends to be remade not as she would have it but often as she believes others wish her to have it . She often appears to find my changeable, somewhat abstract nature not a whole lot of fun to deal with. Still she enjoys it when I show my more playful side.

d) fam? Page of Swords (Rev)

“Learning to relax, to trust people”

hmmm Earth of Air a combination that either transports seeds to new places to grow (Vancouver, from CT 😉 ) or one that can get grit in one’s eyes, never fun. I have been both to my family and it still feels that its a pretty recent development that i’ve discovered the amount of respect that many members of my family have for me and of course me for them.

6) What can emerge? X 0f Wands (Rev)

“Experiencing the results of bad judgement. Need to make amends. Out of synch with your original intent. Stop now. Go back to the drawing board.”

“if it doesn’t feel right then it isn’t right. halt! Don’t ask “Who’s There.” It’s YOU. Wrong place. Wrong time.”

“Doesn’t have to be this way. This time be determined. Be more discerning when you make people choices in your business life. Not a good time to invest”

Large hmmmm to a lot of this except that like any human structure or societal structure, mine would appear subject to falling down unless the weaknesses are attended to. so cautionary tales abound.

7) What do I have to do? Knight of Wands

“Adventure, daring, someone energetic and forceful. As a person, he can be very charming, confident. This can be a card for travel.”

Air of Fire, someone who is creative and inspires creativity, ever youthful, sometimes a bit too over-confident. For me, in many ways, an ideal. “With sincere heart attempting to benefit all below”

Tarot – Devil Wisdom Reading

1) What is evil? Strength		3) Where does it originate The High Priestess
	4) How should we respond to it? VIII of Swords
	2)Why does it exist Judgement Rev

Interpretation

1)What is Evil? Strength

“What should we say when Strength shows up in a reading? …Is it the power to wistand life’s struggles? Overcoming your animal nature? Working with your animal self? ”

When I first saw this card come up, I was a bit puzzled. How could Evil and Strength be equivalent? If you look at it from the point of view of duality, Evil would be at the negative pole of the good / evil dichotomy where Strength would be at the positive pole of the Strength / Weakness one. The more thought that I put into this, the more sense of sorts it makes.

When we think of duality, we always tend to end up chasing our minds in circles. Many of us were brought up in our respective religions with the idea that we should always strive for good and oppose evil, always treasure our strength and eliminate our weaknesses. Despite Jesus saying that the meek would inherit the earth, few of us conceived of times where not using our strength could be a better choice. It seems that it has only been in the last several decades that the idea of passive resistance would take hold. In other words, both strength and weakness had their place and value.

What then of evil? Does evil have relative value? I would say that would depend a large part on one’s perspective. A caterpillar might see going into the cocoon as evil, where the butterfly might have quite a different opinion. During the cold war, the Soviet Union was seen as being evil by the US, the average Russian might have had quite a different opinion . The United States, according to several fundamentalist Muslims in the Middle East is considered “the Great Satan”. From my perspective, good and evil seem to be a function of one’s reality tunnel and are totally relative.

Since both evil and strength seem to be defined by the observer, what were the cards telling me personally when it came up that evil = Strength? Maybe that I have been trying way to hard to ride herd on myself, and to keep a tight rein on the more animalistic part of my nature. I’ve been keeping way too many things bottled up inside, imprisoned as it were and that that has been holding me back a bit from my own growth. Hmmm

2) Why does Evil exist? Judgement Reversed

“Judgement reversed suggests denial, fear, or doubt. We still hear that trumpet call within us, summoning us to embrace a new existence, but we don’t trust it. Perhaps we simply do not know how to recognize what has happened or do not know what to do next. Or we do not want to hurt someone’s feelings or embarrass ourselves”

Wow this fits so well with the idea of evil as Strength, It seems to be saying that evil exists because one is resisting the call of the higher self (or evolution or ascension however you may wish to word it, we could always go back to the caterpillar analogy and say that one is choosing to stay larval.) Maybe our culture and life at this stage has made us so complacent that for many of us, staying asleep is easier than waking up spiritually. Maybe for many of us, we have to get jolted, woken up either by the awareness of what we consider our own animal nature (dark side) and the damage it is capable of inflicting or the dark side of our culture and how it has been spiritually numbing to ourselves and everyone around us.

3) Where does evil originate? The High Priestess

“She may at times signify secret doctrines and teachings, or even the office of a priestess, someone who guides and inspires others”

So the Fool falls starts on his journey and in order to evolve splits into duality, the Magician and the High Priestess. This ties in nicely with what was stated above about the idea of evil coming from duality-consciousness and largely being a matter of perspective. Why the High Priestess and not the Magician for the card answering this question? It seems easy to say that evil springs from the will, the active principle, deeds and thought would seem a more likely source for evil. Why the High Priestess? Let’s take a look at the garden of eden story from Genesis. According to the eden story, human beings had no concept of evil until they ate from the Tree of Knowledge. Until that point they were innocent, If I remember correctly the tree is actually called the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil , in other words, folks, the the tree of duality consciousness. It took duality-consciousness and the understanding of the same for evil to exist… that seems to make sense.

4) How should we respond to evil? VIII of Swords

“Someone needs to understand. Keeping it to yourself will cause hurt and confusion”

“You cannot continue this way. Worry affects health”

“Be straightforward, it is the only way”

“There is no easy way! But it is possible! Get the wheels in motion.”

OK, Let’s look at that, so what the card would be suggesting then is that the response to evil would be to gain understanding of what is really going on, avoid becoming anxious about it, being straightforward and true to ourselves, shining out who we are and realizing that dealing with what would be from our perspective evil is not easy but both possible and necessary in order to transcend it. This reading has struck me as being rather awesome as far as perspective goes…..

The Devil Reading

1) What have I lost? VI of Wands				3) What illusory chains hold me? King of Cups (Rev)
		6)What will happen? IV of Wands
	4) What reality holds me? Page of Wands (Rev)		5) How can I free myself? Queen of Swords (Rev)
		2) What blocks me from returning? III of Cups (Rev)

Interpretation

1) What have I lost? VI of Wands

“Compliments and admiration of your ability bring you to the winning post. Time to do what you do best. Success and more”

“Are you doing what you really want to do? Follow your heart, that is where your future lies”

“Explore and expand potential. Don’t get too wrapped up with mundane obligations. Spread your wings and fly. Intelligent choice will turn things around”

“Passion, romantic or shared enthusiasm. Confidence and optimism, the ability to inspire others”

hmmmm , there seems to be an effect on how I’m perceived by others, That i may not be able to inspire as once I was” Also some indications that of late I have not been following my heart and that passion may need to be expanded (not a terrible surprise after 10 yrs of marriage. ;)Perhaps some lessons in who I’m doing things for.Do i write this blog to affect how people see me or as a form of self-expression and growth?

2) What blocks me from returning? III of Cups (Rev)
“Undercurrents, changes it would be foolish to continue. Unwise to re-hash. Situation calls for complete new plan. Don’t react personally”

“Avoid showing reluctance in regard to accepting advice. Prompt action can alleviate obvious pressures.

The secret is to sever the connection. Need new contact””Do not repeat past mistakes. Take a new bold direction Contact with good friend can give the impetus you need”
So this seems to go hand in hand with something from a recent reading (the Death one I believe) about not falling into old habits. So avoid some temptations I have and sever some lines. It is also telling me that I should accept advice given to me and to try something new……Interesting, I have kind of had this expectant feeling lately as if something was coming but not quite sure what it is. Trite sounding but true.

3)What Illusory Chains Hold Me? King of Cups (Rev)

“One tradition sees the King of cups as corrupt, who misuses power. Emotions coming out more with anger or tears revealing long-hidden feelings. Blocked creativity or frustration”

But these aren’t the real chains but the illusory ones so the truth is that I am only blocked creatively if I let myself be. I have felt myself more clouded lately than I would have myself and the things that the 3 of cups was warning me of above is connected to long-hidden feelings coming out. So seriously need to avoid fellings of frustration.

4) What reality holds me? Page of Wands (Rev)

“Uncertainty, hesitancy caution”

To put it another way, we’re talking about Earth of Fire, Earth smothering the creative energy or force by too much of it, too much emphasis on the sexual or physical sensation perhaps? Maybe I need to discipline some of my desires a bit……

5) How can I free myself? Queen of Swords (Rev)

“One who uses manipulation to get what she wants” “One could also see it as someone who leaves her tower to rejoin life”

“The person becomes conflicted between the desire for privacy and darkness and the demands made by other people or simply life itself”

“The person may feel guilty for wanting to hold something back in a relationship” “Some people respond by extending themselves too far, becoming tense, anxious and guilty. Others go to the opposite extreme, retreating into a dark isolation. “Both need to discover…balance between love and self-awareness”

Hmmm so if the problem, has hinted at by the other cards relates to inappropriate acting out of the emotions especially where I feel trapped into doing things I don’t want to do and feel like my time is not my own and i displace anger and irritation with that onto other things, then it would appear that what I need is to cop to the feelings I have as they come up. One way of doing this may be to back-track when I feel anger as to what really sparked it

6) what will happen? IV of Wands

“High cycle well deserved. Be sure to enjoy You made good choices Happy times still to come”

“Continue in this way and you shall reap a second harvest. It is possible to reach beyond your expectation”

“Perfect time for good karmic relationships. Share joy. Socialize, be responsive to those who show interest. Excellent business/ career cycle Show your expertise.”

“Keep the control its yours”

I like this ending but also seems to make sense. The cloudiness I feel seems to be part of the cycle. Insecurity and feeling a bit trapped in my choices but a lot of that coming from inside myself yet triumph at the end. Temptations also coming into play that I have to wind my way through, those good choices mentioned in the description of the card”

Death Personal Reading

Again–The idea of 1 (or 2) spreads for each major arcana card is taken (as are the spreads) from Rachel Pollack’s excellent book Tarot Wisdom. As often as possible I am using the textual definitions from Ms Pollack’s book as otherwise there exists a possibility of skewing the meanings to serve my own ends rather than get any insight into what the cards are showing me. Recently I have also been taking (for the minor arcana) cards some of the textual definitions from Eileen Connolly’s Tarot: The First Handbook for the Master. Way back when I started working with the cards Ms. Connolly’s Tarot for the Apprentice was one of the first books I used.
Tonight tho, I had a new insight. That if the goal of these readings is a greater internal knowledge and understanding these forces then subjectivity may just be the way to go. Still I will give Ms Pollack’s and Ms. Connolly’s definitions because I feel it may be useful for anyone reading this to follow along.

Death Personal Reading

1) What is my attitude towards death?	IX of Pentacles (rev)
2) How am I ok with death?	VII of Swords (rev)
3) How do I have trouble with Death?	Death (rev)
4) What needs to die in my life?	Page of Cups (rev)
5) How do I let it die?	The Devil
6) What needs to live?	Knight of Wands
7) How do I help it live?	Page of Wands (rev)

Interpretation

What is my attitude towards death? IX of Pentacles (rev)

“Lack of discipline, low regard for yourself, but also choosing spontaneity over long term goals”
“Some Regret, Some Reason. Not sure what to do next. Do not complicate situation further. Need some advice”
“You are missing someone terribly. They feel the same. Make contact”
“Contact someone who is feeling lost without you”
“People do care. They may have the wrong impression”

Wow. This one took me a bit. Mainly because it deals so much with what I believe intellectually and what I feel is true versus some of my ego feelings. I don’t like death. I understand that we all will make this transition and that feels ok. Still when people leave the party, for the most part we loose communication with them. At its best, it feels like they go to a far-off land from which there is little to no two-way communication. We may see them again but still…. So many people whom I wish I’d have known better, whom I wish I had told what they meant to me and what they could have meant to me. I know that I still can but there goes that two-way communication problem again.

I think part of the message that I hear is to tell people how I feel now. To spend the time, even if I feel stretched in four other directions. We draw people into our lives for a reason. Part of me realizes that we bring people into our lives for a certain amount of involvement for a certain length of time and that things happen in just the right way. Part of me mourns the lost potential and maybe that has something to do with the meaning of it all for me. I should try to realize the potential of each relationship in my life and let it be as mutually positive and growth-inducing as possible.

How am I OK with death? VII of Swords (rev)

“Good Karma now possible. A solution will be offered. Have a gracious attitude. Accept and later you will be able to return the help”

“If you think things out you will see the obvious! Can prevent further disruption”

“willingness to consult with others to get advice before taking action”

hmmmm, As I said before, my understanding of death is all about transitions–Ultimately Death works as the solution to life on the physical plane–I also feel that the more confort you can give to those who grieve over loved ones who left the party the better. The acceptance thing, maybe I draw closer to being able to do that than I thought.

How do I have trouble with Death? Death (rev)? 🙂

“If someone has been sick a long time with fear of not surviving, the upside-down Death may say that the person will not die soon or in the immediate future”

“It does not however, promise recovery, just that life continues”

“resistance to change, inertia. Things do not die, they simply go on”

Yes, yes and yes. (BTW, i believe this is the first time in these readings, that the card of the reading showed up. Cool). I don’t fear Death. Inside of me, is a fear of suffering, of my physical body laying wracked with illness (either physical or mental) and pain and not being ready / able to die. I have seen that happen with both people I feel close to and others whom were close to those I love. So in that way, I have to learn to let go of the fear of Death not coming.

On the other hand, I have seen some miraculous recoveries. Around four years back, my father had a cerebral aneurysm and he was in a coma for several months. We all had hope and prayer that he would recover but as time went on doubt crept in. Only my step-mother had total faith and belief in his recovery. He woke up one day and tho the recovery was slow, he has come back over 90% 🙂 So there is almost always hope.

Still, I believe that on some level if I do end up in a hospital (with physical and / or mental discomfort) that it will be something that I have chosen.

What needs to die in my life? Page of Cups (rev)

“Troubled by things that come from the imagination or the subconscious. Seduction without principle”

Elementally Page of Cups would be Earth of Water, Right side up that would allow a ground for new life to develop and spring forth. Pretty nurturing and peaceful. Reversed things would get muddied, confused. Distracted? Possibly but things definitely would not be seen as clearly. However once they settled down….

So I have to do my best to let the mud settle, and to clarify what I see. To let go of that part of my self that gets pulled into illusion and distracted. Especially by those things that challenge my principles.

How do I let it Die? The Devil (*sigh*)

“…means oppression of some sort, or addiction, whatever chains us. Often these things, have a quality of illusion about them, due to that image of the ropes or chains being big enough to come off. The Devil can mean illusions of any kind, mistakes, errors, clinging to values or situations or people that can harm you. …the Devil’s games and lies can bring real harm”

OK OK, I get the message. Let go of those illusory things that i feel drawn to lately. Recognize them as traps and work on what I know is important…still..:(

*sigh*

sometimes the only thing more difficult than a hard – to-grasp reading is one that feels easy….

What needs to live? Knight of Wands

“Adventure, daring, someone energetic and forceful. As a person he can be very charming, confident. This can be a card of travel”

Air of Fire. Someone who can sustain themselves towards greater intensity. Inspiration, Creative and traveling? Ok awesome

I need to keep moving, finding new beauty and new things to keep me going and like Seals and Crofts “We May never pass this way again” says “lift us up…always up”

How do I help it live? Page of Wands (rev)

“Uncertainty, hesitancy, caution.”

Earth of Fire–would be containment of creativity and spiritual energy so that it can be channeled in the proper direction. Also to make sure that the lower chakra stuff is taken care of also. Reversed could very well mean that too much focus is spent on containment and not enough on the channeling of the energy, Either way I am hearing that I need to work on my boundaries/ barriers and work towards growing / fanning the flames so that the page may become the knight.

There seems to be the oddest balance between the last four cards in this reading. The two reversed pages (fire and water). being what I need to die and what I need to sustain the parts that I want to live, both have to do with Earth (grounding, boundaries) and how it relates first to water and then to fire. It seems almost like a rock-paper-scissors game. Earth can contain fire but Water contains Earth. or in this case with the cards reversed, earth can smother fire and muddy water. Realizing the illusion of the water being muddied and what clarity looks like (The Devil) and satisfying my own creative urges both by continuing to create and traveling to new places, not necessarily physically (Knight of Wands) will help those recalcitrant pages to contain and sustain as i’d like them to 🙂