“The past is never where you think you left it.”
― Katherine Anne Porter
Leaving the past behind seems deceptively simple at times. I have long believed it pointless for any adult over the age of 30 or so to cling to hurts real or imagined from one’s childhood and adolescence. I have seen far too many who’s adult lives were choked by resentment and an unwillingness to see themselves as anything but that which was done to them. I’ve worked hard to reconcile my past, forgive whatever there maybe to forgive and leave those parts of my past behind. The key word in the first sentence was deceptively.
Today I was interviewed about my childhood and it was amazing how many memories good and bad came rushing to the surface. Many of them I have dealt with but there were a few things that I had forgotten and the awareness of them was somewhat uncomfortable. It’s a fortunate thing for buried trauma can often lead to treasure and greater awareness. I will never again believe that I have left my past behind for I know I carry it all with me, perhaps not as its victim but definitely as its vehicle into greater understanding and awareness.
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Organic Clockwork by G A Rosenberg
Free Flow by G A Rosenberg
“Who do you allow to live in your head?”
Every time someone does or says something to us or for us that we think about afterwards we are renting them space in our heads. Sometimes its something simple as remembering with a smile someone who let us go in front of them in line. Sometimes it can be resentments and pain that we’ve held inside for decades. Is there someone growing up, a parent or relative perhaps that hurt you or said horrible things to you when you were a child and made you feel less than you are? Do you think about them every day and try to prove them wrong or worse yet right? Would you want that person as a roommate? Then maybe its time to kick them out of your head. It’s not easy. Part of it is learning how to forgive. Part of it is looking at that person from what you know now about what they were going through. I am not saying that this will make it right. Understanding and forgiveness will allow you to evict them gently so that your life can become better. There are so many people who by example and by deed make much better head mates. If you can’t think of anyone, sometimes being alone with those voices from the past no longer there is alright too.
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Waiting For the Moon by G A Rosenberg
Underlying Chaos by G A Rosenberg
“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”
― Tyler Perry
I know many people who had very painful childhoods. Either mistreated or neglected by their parents or others, they carried pain around with them for years. I don’t mean physical pain of course but those emotional scars that make intimate connections with others so difficult. They know the cause of their problems but in many cases they are unable or unwilling to do the work necessary to get past this, Most often because they have not yet learned to forgive.
Many of them will say they have forgiven their parents or others whom they identify as their victimizers. Many will say forgiven but not forgotten. They then will recount at length painful event after painful event in which they were the victim perpetuating both their role and reinforcing the memory adding yet one more crime to be forgiven, one more link in the chain that connects them to their past. Sometimes there is not even an external person whom we hold responsible but ourselves. This was my situation for years.
Forgiving is difficult. It means using our compassion to put ourselves into the heads of someone we’ve feared, hated or both for years and understanding why the do what they do. It means taking responsibility for our present and realizing that that was then, this is now and we are not going to let our past or the people in it keep us from having the kind of present and future that we deserve. Those are the true first steps to our liberation.
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Masque by G A Rosenberg
Rippling Spirals by G A Rosenberg
The Universe Lies Within