“I came to a point where I needed solitude and just stop the machine of ‘thinking’ and ‘enjoying’ what they call ‘living’, I just wanted to lie in the grass and look at the clouds.”
― Jack Kerouac
“Stop this ride and let me climb off.” I tell this to the conductor who is also me. He gives me a weary look and slows things down. He knows how often I have asked this before only to demand things start up again as soon as it came to a complete stop. Do I know my own mind? Better than most but I need to know it from the outside to see if TARDIS-like it expands eternally internally. The ride pauses if not stops completely and I grit my resolve and leap off. I hit the ground or I would if I wasn’t suddenly falling through the clouds. How often I’ve watched them outside an airplane window wishing somehow I could walk in that solid-looking illusory kingdom. It
s colder and moisture than I expected and not nearly as solid when you fall rain like. The ground comes rushing up to me and I have always been terrifying of falling or is that landing? Just like the ride tho, I slow to a float just above ground level. I step down.
There is a fire there. I sit down by the fire and look out and the stars are spectacular. They shift patterns and colours and I find myself entranced. At first I avoid inner quietude by naming unknown constellations but slowly out there lost in immensity my breathing slows. I let thoughts cross my mind without chasing after them. People pop in and pop out but they don’t stay long and after all its only me. Slowly I find peace and resolve.
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