“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.”
― Ram Dass
For too long I considered myself unworthy. I felt I was unworthy of the family I was born into. I felt I was unworthy of the intelligence I had and the job I had. I have been given so much without putting that much effort into it that it was easy to feel that way. Some people may see that as a goad to do more, be more, become more. I found it to be a weight that all too nearly collapsed me. My drive wasn’t to accomplish, my drive was to understand. I wanted to learn more and not so much academic subjects. I chafed at that during my years at University all too much and found that I was missing my classes to help friends with theirs that I considered more interesting at the time. In my mathematics and computer courses I was more results driven than method driven which frustrated the teacher’s and ultimately added to my feelings of unworthiness. Each prescribed path I tried turned out to be another round hole to fit my square edges into. I kept looking to find an authority, some one who would tell me how to do it only to realize that I was ultimately looking for another authority to rebel against. Also another chance to prove to myself my own unworthiness.
At some point that changed. I stopped trying to follow any path but my own. On our own path, nobody is unworthy. By following my own path I could show others how to do the same. By following my own path, I have come to realize that the only person who could possibly say whether or not the things I’ve done hold value is myself. If I can live my life and communicate to others that that is our main goal in life, to live it and follow wherever our path leads than worthiness stops being a question. On my own path there is only worthiness.
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