The Fear of Depths

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison

 

Earlier today, I was challenged by a friend who remarked that I never talk about my own fears and that I stay emotionally safe and comfortable in most of my entries here. At first I reacted the way I normally react when challenged. “I don’t have time for this crap right now.” I didn’t send that reply because I have come to realize when I have that response, it normally means that something has hit home and I need to look at it. When I did a realization started dawning and I realized that I have a fear of expressing and probing some of my deeper emotions and what a block it has been.
When I was younger I used to lash out at people and I was intuitive enough to hone in on just what would cause them the most pain.. and would use it on them. It cost me friendships and hurt my relationships with my family… Very few people want to examine their pain. I learned all kinds of neat ways of avoiding feeling things as deeply because i couldn’t handle hurting people. I’ve learned other ways of distancing even while pretending to draw closer so that i don’t have to feel the intensity of their emotions as well.
Most of my closest relationships have been with people who have reinforced this emotional denial mostly by reacting strongly when they sensed disapproval or disagreement from me. It became easier to mask the emotion rather than express it.
In the past years, I have become a lot more open and expressive. If Pandora’s box hasn’t been thrown open, the lid has been raised and I’ve been looking deeper into it. I have found that I can express myself in a way that’s both open, realizing another’s weakness but healing, expressing it in a way that can be resolved. The journey continues.
Blessings, G

 

Click on images to see full-sized:

 

Trappings of LoveTrappings of Love by G A Rosenberg

 

Floating Ruby and AmethystFloating Ruby and Amethyst by G A Rosenberg

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