So hopefully this won’t be boring. This video gave me a chance to learn a few new things in Photoshop; Garageband and iMovie; It was fun to make tho not a hundred percent satisfied with it, Still its fun.

Video of the day-Reflections

So, this week, one by one all my little fear monkeys have been coming out to play. Could be because so many of the good folk on Spirit Refuge (SR)have been talking about facing their fears. It could just be that since I have once again started consciously following this path (Oh, I’ve always been on it, just decided to become more conscious 🙂
So it seems like every other day either an old insecurity or fear that I thought I had dealt with comes running into my head gibbering away. There seem to be a few that I had never met before, but then the kennels back in those dark corners have been around for ages so no doubt some have bred.
There seems to be a difference. Where once, I would run from the fears and withdraw, now I am inviting them to walk beside me.
Maybe as i pass people I know, I’ll introduce them to my fears. Who knows maybe I’ll dress them up in funny hats and teach them to perform.
Funny, when they chased me, my fears were huge. Walking besides me, one or two still cast large shadows, but the fears themselves seem to be shrinking. As I get to know them better, i can even see where they might have been useful once,
Odd thing too, didn’t there use to be more of them?
No doubt, a few will make some noise every now and then, but these fears are almost cute and they are telling me …good-bye

It’s all done with Mirrors

Everything that we can perceive is a mirror of something that is within us. The external universe reflects the internal.
Just thought I’d share ;D

and thus:

Continuing with the readings suggested by Rachel Pollack in her book Tarot Magic. This reading is even more puzzling than usual. Part of it is that I am too close. It is on the two main qualities of the Empress, passion and nurturing and the effect they have on our lives. Comments are appreciated.

1-What is my passion?	Page of Pentacles
2-How have I expressed it?	VI of Cups (reversed)
3-How can I express it more fully?	IX of Wands
4-What blocks me?	III of Pentacles (reversed)
5-What frees me?	VI of Pentacles
6-What do I nurture	10-Wheel of Fortune (reversed)
7-What does it ask of me?	IX of Cups
8-What does it give me?	Ace of Wands
9-How can I bring together my passion and my nurturance?	IV of Pentacles (reversed)

What is my passion? Page of Pentacles-“A student or beginner in magic or any other area of learning. Fascination with something, without the need to do anything except follow the wonder of it” “Altenatively, grounding something real and solid” So I love to learn new things, yep, i enjoy creating

How have I expressed it? VI of Cups (rev)-“Letting go of the past, possibly a more honest look at families or other relationships; ..healing the memories of childhood” So i have expressed it by a continuous series of breaking things off from my past but have also been pretty good at putting that past into perspective

How can I express it more fully?IX of Wands-“Card of fulfilment; of energy, creativity excitement and inspiration; courage and strength in the situation” So i can learn more by creating and inspiring; helping others to create

What blocks me?III of Pent (rev)”Mediocre work; dissatisfaction, especially from conflicts or lack of opportunity; Failure to recognize the beauty of your normal life” So dissatisfaction in my normal life and not feeling like I am doing my best has been blocking me from both learning and creating?” or it is something that i need to go beyond?

What frees me? VI of Pentacles-“Partnership in work and other practical areas, Harmony in the workplace, charity, justice working out in people’s lives; Spirituality in daily life” Hmm so putting my ideals into practice; becoming a more spiritual person will help me to become more creative

What do I nurture?X-Wheel of Fortune (rev) “It also shows someone who begins the difficult process of self -examination; of learning to stop blaming bad luck for whatever disaster his or her life has become” So do I help others to see this? by talking? by example? At this point, I know that whatever good or bad is in my life, i have manifested it and it is what i need to grow, luck is not a part of it, and as far as blaming others, i manifested them in my life too. ;D

What does it ask of me? IX of Cups-“Focus on what is lasting and meaningful rather than what is lost or impermanent; something born out of imagination or powerful emotion” 😀 ;D

What does it give me? Ace of Wands-“Energy, life, health, copurage, forcefulness, simplicity, the very beginning of something exciting, enthusiasm”

How can I bring together my passion and my nurturance?IV of Pentacles(reverse)-“Lack of structure in daily life. Emotional vulnerability. Hesitation about helping others” Hmm I don’t believe that it is telling me to hesitate in helping others except that i need to learn how to help them–not give people the answers but help them find their own truth as i find mine”

I get it. I am manifesting these “interruptions” because they are the show. “And now the prologue….” Indeed.

I get the lesson about water., I guess I needed the universe to shout at me.

Zev is a wonderful growing being and he is amazing. He is the show
Lately I have been feeling the need / desire go with need to manifest in other ways. Ye olde balancing act again.

So many balance and I manifest them all. A True Libra
I love my silliness.
Growing feels soooo good and it is sooo painful.

It’ interesting when I asked the cards what my next video should be about. What came out was “The Hanged Man”. O think that the question that that was answering was “What lesson do I need the most. Water, hanging upside down, seeking answers from reflection Mem

Are all my lessons going to come this way lately?

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN INTERRUPTION

What am I trying to tell myself? Be like water man, be like water, take the path of least resistance, erode the rocks in my way. I even know i am manifesting all this but sometimes hitting myself with a baseball bat would be a lot less frustrating. ;D . Of course i am manifesting the frustration also. i know and i forget, its clear and its muddy and sometimes just plain muddled. take me self. take me universe, just let me flow……

1-What is deep within me?	VIII of Pent
2-How can I know it?	15-The Devil (reversed)
3-How can I be true to it?	Ace of Wands (reversed)
4-What do I need to give out?	1-The Magician(Reversed)
5-What do I need to keep within?	V of Pentacles

1-What is deep within me? VIII of Pentacles-“stability; satisfaction; continuing in a steady way”; “cycles”-So despite outer chaos, i have an extremely stable core with the ability to achieve fulfillment.

2-How can I know It? The Devil (Reversed)-Liberation; He (or she or both) can free themselves and walk away; Seeing through illusions and turning to the spiritual in life” So the more real i make it, the more centered I become and the more I can accomplish. Watch out for the chains 😉

How can I be true to it? Ace of Wands (Reversed) “Not the time to try something new-Hesitation, setbacks, doubts” If I can only know what is inside of me by freeing myself from illusions then understanding proper timing, neither jumping recklessly nor hesitating is crucial”

4-What do I need to give out-The Magician (Reversed)-Do What I need to do; Don’t hesitate to act; Keep Producing

Don’t Doubt

5-What do I need to keep within-V of Pentacles-“Finding meaning in struggle-Helping the disenfranchised-not sweating the material stuff”

I am continuing with the exercises in Rachel Pollack’s Book Tarot Wisdom She has at least one spread for each of the major arcana cards in the tarot. Apparently two in some cases.
Here is the second spread that she suggests for the Magician card and the results that I got.
Anybody who may be reading this, I would love some feedback.

The Magician Personal Reading (Put the cards in any order that works for you).

1-What is magic for me?	V of Pentacles
2-How does magic act in my life?	VII of Pentacles
3-Where do I look for Magic?	5-The Hierophant (reversed)
4-How do I find it?	Page of Pentacles-Reversed
5-How do I use it?	VIII of Pentacles-Reversed
6-How can I become a magician	Prince of Cups-reversed
What will it mean to me?	X of Wands

What does magic mean to me? V of Pentacles – “Finding greater meaning in the ordinary struggles of life” “changes in circumstances” -also healing and comfort to disenfranchised. That kind of works, especially the first. So much of my life has been about searching for meaning and understanding

How does magic act in my life? 7 of Pentacles-“Enjoyment of Nature” “Contemplation of work that has been done or needs to be done”; “Satisfaction” – So putting that together magic acts in a way that brings me closer to nature (closer to my nature)

Where do I look for magic? The Hierophant (Reversed)-Taking the road less traveled- The Unconventional route-Don’t try to fall in line with another person’s truth – Seek my own.

How do I find magic? The Page of Pentacles (Reversed) – Relaxation after intense study, not something i can force or make happen– So I can learn about magic, study it, but i can only find it by not looking. How zen 😉 and how true

How do I use magic? VIII of Pentacles (Reversed)-Time to move to the next level-transitional–after work has been learned [!!!???!!! OK All this after my realizations of yesterday (see last blog entry). What are you trying to tell me universe?]

How can I become a magician? Knight of Cups (reversed) – “Something may stir him to action or inner conflict will become too deed” Taking action in difficult situations” When there is a need and when I have no choice, that is what I will become.

What will magic mean to me? X of Wands “A card of new life and a greater awareness of the meaning of your actions and enthusiasms”

Some things you encounter click for you right away. Some are like time bombs that go off when you least expect it, giving you some kind of explosion in your psyche. For me
one such was Hypnos-Rêveur’s new video Adventure Games. (http://www.youtube.com/my_subscriptions?pi=0&ps=20&sf=added&sa=0&sq=&dm=2&s=91VZGiOnDcw#) I saw the video this morning, was impressed by the talent, then headed out to the gym.
I’ve been finding my workouts gaining a whole new flavour this past couple of weeks. Moments where i am totally focused on lifting the weight (totally mindful) then all of a sudden getting struck by an idea or concept. it’s gotten so that my workout log has taken on the function of recording what is going through my head during a workout as well.

Today i was on my first set, when a voice inside my head said “Stop looking for cheat codes” I realized then that I’ve been looking for some kind of short cut to this ‘level’ of my life. Some way of getting ‘on’ with things. This was huge. There is nothing about my life that I hate or dislike, I am just so ready, in my mind to ‘move on’ Of course this fails the basic test of whether it is time to move on or not. If it was time, then I would and the way would open up before me..

This kind of jibed with the Fool reading I did a couple of days ago. It said I tend to leave things before completion. When they are good but not finished.
Of course this means that, in adventure game terms, I would miss the three treasures, two clues, and four power ups I will need to get through the next stage.

There are no real short cuts on the path.