Where Did the Laughter Go?–poem fragment

Where did the laughter go?
It was just here a while ago
Did you take it off to some strange land?
Did you sell it so you could understand?
Was it worth it all, that mystic trade?
Are you happy with the price you paid?
You plucked the fruit from off the tree
You choked it back so hungrily
Now you’ve returned saddened dour
Your smile lost with new-found power?
So you say. So it may be
Yet without humour can you be free?
For in the end, there’s nothing lost
innocence is experience’s cost.

Wheel of Fortune Reading

Again–The idea of 1 (or 2) spreads for each major arcana card is taken (as are the spreads) from Rachel Pollack’s excellent book Tarot Wisdom. As often as possible I am using the textual definitions from Ms Pollack’s book as otherwise I could probably skew the meanings to serve my own ends rather than get any insight into what the cards are showing me. Recently I have also been taking (for the minor arcana) cards some of the textual definitions from Eileen Connolly’s Tarot: The First Handbook for the Master. Way back when I started working with the cards Ms. Connolly’s Tarot for the Apprentice was one of the first books I used.

Wheel of Fortune Reading

1-What turns the wheel? VIII of Cups (rev) VIII of Cups
2-What outer change will come II of Cups RWCupsTwo
3-What inner change is possible? Page of Pentacles (rev) rwpentacles page
4-What new situation will I face? III of Wands Three of Wands
5-What rises? King of Cups King of Cups
6-What falls? Strength(rev) RW-Strength
7-What is at the center? Queen of Swords RWSwordQueen


What turns the wheel? VIII of Cups (rev) “Involved in material pursuit Difficult to find what you really want. This energy is diminishing. Rest is needed”
“Karmic circumstances can make a positive change in your life. Expect someone very special”
“Take control. Be honest with yourself. Stop the negativity. You are blocking opportunity, Avoid further commitment”
“A lack of connection between heart and head. Look at relationships in new ways”

So that’s what’s turning the wheel!? Lately I’ve come up with a whole bunch of new ideals that I have been programming into my reality. The MERLIN, Morning has Broken, & Elwood P Dowd but am still bouncing back into old familiar patterns (tho less and less. Plus there has been a drift lately, a strong desire in me to shift more from head to heart consciousness so can totally get where a disconnect could be possible. So this needing to put the two together, tho judging by one of the commentaries in Connely’s Master guide good things are happening karmically which all in all is not a bad thing to have at the helm so to speak.

What outer changes will come? II of Cups

“Perfect match, Sensitivity levels in total harmony. Much to offer each other, strong karmic ties continue to bind in love, friendship and business”
“Remember that you are also two separate people — respect that”
“You have created the right impression, follow through”
“Someone from the past is thinking about you. Your paths will cross again”
“Your present cycle attracts the unusual. Surprise is in the offering, be responsive”
“A relationship especially a new one that becomes meaningful, a flow of energy, the possibility to heal old wounds from past relationships”

For outer changes that’s quite intriguing– good things in relationship–and new things happening—deepening of relationships–OK,

What inner changes are possible? Page of Pentacles (rev)

“relaxation after intense study or work”
“All his dedication and insight fail to reach the proper audience. unable to inspire others or communicate his knowledge, filled with frustration or full of doubt”
“may slide into fanaticism”
“it might help to find a different situation or a different group of people”

Hmmm I keep thinking this has more to do with finding a balance; not caring so much about what people may think about my thoughts or ideas; it could also mean spreading out and working with different groups of people. This is referring to inner change where the outer changes seem to be more people not less. My focus lately has been about shining out who I am more than it has been about caring who sees / hears it. It is the story itself that matters not the writer or the reader.

What new situations will I face? III of Wands

“Remove karmic block. There is help available It will work You have so much to offer”
“You have been down this road before. This time you can remove block. Negotiate”
“Think and discuss another way to achieve what you need. You are being noticed”
“You are giving a good impression. Surprise interest from an unexpected source.”
“older person can save the day-has unique point of view-can be of great help”
“Energy manifested coming to an understanding of what creative energy has meant in your life”
“exciting group actions”

Looks like the beginning of a new cycle of learning–echoes of what’s come before.
Plus finding the right avenue of expression sounds necessary–not so much where can i fit in (seems that there are many places) but what part expresses the emerging me the best. So also sounds a lot like the last two months–so what i’ve been going through but newer and more exciting.

What rises? King of Cups

“very creative sensitive person like the knight who has channeled all the sensitivity into business or professional life–say a poet who has become a professional lawyer”
“teacher and storyteller”
“Fire of water-suggests alchemical power to transform or channel emotional energy” “a card of achievement in the arts”

So a tendency towards over-indulgence and talented artistic expression–this whole reading seems to be telling me that my creative mojo is starting to flow–where will it take me? not sure. Is this card me? or does it refer to someone coming in? Stay tuned. I choose this to represent an aspect of myself coming to the fore.

What falls? Strength (rev)

“weakness of a person who doubts his/her own strength”

Wow that’s what’s (finally) passing away. So mote it be” 😉 !!!!!!

What is at the center? Queen of Swords

ah my Libra card

“Butterflies form her crown in the Smith drawing. They can symbolize the transformation of the soul from matter to spirit, through the purity of mind”
“She does not tilt the sword as if to fight but holds it straight up, like the swords on Justice and the Ace”
“associated with Athena Goddess of Wisdom”
“befriended and protected heroes”
“Commitment to truth both in thought and speech”
“someone who has faced sorrow and learned wisdom”
“remote yet brave and extremely loyal to friends”
“Some people see her as the image of the intellectual or writer”

The Queen of Swords has seemed to be a large part of my psyche. Again ideas of transformation that keep coming up in this reading. A lot about creativity and now writing. Lately I feel like the character of Richard Murdoc from the issue of Sandman with the muse Calliope. At the end of the story, Morpheus punishes him by making ideas flow faster in his head than he could possibly get them out on keyboard or paper. Ideas are flowing through me lately so fast. I don’t know where its going but the ride is sure fantastic

Amused, Bemused, Musing

So…for the last three weeks, my son Zev has been asking me to let him start his own youtube channel. On the one hand, I’ve been thinking, fair enough, when i first started my channel it was with the intention of posting his videos. It is only fairly recently that I have been making and posting my own. I have some concerns about who he might subscribe to, who might subscribe to him and general restraint around comments stuff. I mean, for the past year he has been exploring youtube and he has a pretty clear idea over what is ok and not ok for him at 10 years old to watch.
So I’ve been contemplating it and had tentatively come to a yes with boundaries answer.

Tonight about an hour after putting Zev to bed, I received a) a subscription and a friendship request from a username i had never seen before. I went to that name’s site and of course even tho the name on the account was “Mike”, the video was one done by my son in his room using a slightly deeper voice 🙂 Then I noticed that this username had posted a few comments on my account one of which says
“your vid gave me a better thing to do in life thanks teach! i used to be a gangster but YOU gave me something to live for on! thanks!”

Upon seeing this, (posted minutes before) I snuck upstairs where of course his light was on and the laptop was near his bed. I settled him down and I have told him that we would discuss it in the morning. He asked if I would yell at him, I said ‘no”. Not quite sure how I’ll handle it. Oh with love, compasion and generally on a coin flip of wisdom 😉 just like most of the parenting moments. I guess. Just finding myself with an interesting emotional parfait of pride, concern, annoyance and most of all amusement.

Hermit Personal Reading

1-What do I need to do on my own? Judgement Judgement
2-Where will I find my light? X of Swords (rev) Ten of Swords
3-What will it illuminate? Queen of Swords (rev) Queen of Swords
4-What does the Hermit want me to see? V of Wands (rev) Five of Wands
5-What or Who is my secret teacher? VI of Pentacles RWPentaclesSix
6-What can I learn? The Hierophant


What do I need to do on my own? Judgement

“a fresh start” “various forms of rising up””change has already happened, it is time to acknowledge it”; “something that was hidden from us is now revealed and we look at the world with a clear eye and a larger understanding”; “We have the opportunity at last to fulfill our potential”

Wow, so this kind of addresses a few things on my mind lately. First of all I was wondering if I would find a teacher to guide me through this cycle of awakening and it seems that i will have to do it myself. There will be lots of people on the road with me, all on our own journey but as far as someone who will trick me into learning or walk me patiently or not through stuff, well, that hasn’t ever worked before … Still the journey will be amazing and the trail will take me to some amazing places. It already has. The part about looking at the world with a clear eye and a larger understanding also holds true to something that’s been circling in my consciousness lately about looking at everything as if it were the first time I’ve ever seen it. This comes up again in this reading.

Where will I find my light? X of Swords (rev)

“relief from suffering as if the swords literally fall out of the back” ; “possibly being too closse in a situation, too caught up in details” “SWORDS HAVE NOW FALLEN THE SHADOW OF KARMIC MEMORY MAY LINGER. CLIENT WILL HAVE A NEW SWORD OF ENDEAVOR”

Hmmm “The ending is the beginning of something always” I will find the light at the end of the cycle and the beginning of the new one? Step back and take a ‘universal perspective’, take time to heal and help others heal
What will it illuminate? Queen of Swords (rev)

“that powerful mind and personality turned towards manipulation and control” “another would see her leaving her high lonely place and becoming more involved in life”

If I understand what this card is saying…..ok it seems to be that my path is in serving / teaching / healing others some way some how–BC with its mountains is a high place….but the light will answer that. Does sound like there are interesting times ahead Sorry if this sounds a bit coy, but not sure how i feel about this one
What does the Hermit want me to see? V of Wands (Rev)

“competition turning nasty”; “people who don’t follow approved rules”; “a fire a passion that burns steadily without highs but also without danger of going out””Refuse to accept more stress” “CONDITIONS ARE NOW SETTLING-TAKE A BREATH AND ABSORB THE CHANGING CONDITIONS ACT UPON NEWS YOU WILL RECEIVE SOON.” “Be confident, don’t worry. Things can be too good not to be true. Take time to listen. someone needs you.”

hmmmm again the idea of innocence, believing that things can be as good as they look. Be open to helping others
What or who is my secret teacher? VI of Pentacles

“Partnership in work and other practical areas” “Justice working out in people’s lives”;”Spirituality in daily life”; “Could you be more open to giving and receiving?””This combination of symbols shows a shifting in your work/thought process. A new responsibility which is focused and concentrated””NOW IT IS YOUR TURN TO ENJOY THE FRUITS OF KARMA SO MAY WAYS IN WHICH LIFE REPAYS AND REWARDS FOR THINGS WELL DONE”

Stop you’ll go to my head ;). Seriously taking this together with the rest seems to be saying that my secret teacher is the qualities / materials I have been given in my life and as long as i keep it flowing through me, the knowledge and ideas will keep coming.

What can I learn? The HierophantI can learn traditions of many different people, and teach others. Kind of where my interests lay anyway. I can teach traditions and initiation..

As usual comics are welcome. Appreciated

My Extended Reading List or books bought on the weekend :)

1. Living in the Heart by Drunvalo Melchizedek

2. You are a Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience by Bob Frissell

3. Coincidance by Robert Anton Wilson

4. Email to the Universe by Robert Anton Wilson

5. The Seat of the Soul By Gary Zukov

6. The Cornelius Chronicles by Michael Moorcock

7. How to Practice Mayan Astrology By Bruce Scofield and Barry C. Orr

8. The City by China Mieville

So that plus the books i am reading, others i have lined up to order, or have ordered, should take me through the summer

Maybe i should be kept out of book stores 😉

Sunday-Dad’s day-Solstice

Another wonderful day-Starting out at Birch bay then winding our way back to Vancouver where we went to Banyen Books and the number of books I have lined up to read has hit an even more ridiculous number. We then returned home to a super father’s day dinner prepared by Zev, Amanda and Anne Marie .Nice
Zev has gotten me the coolest deck of Tarot cards. The Quantum Tarot. Here are a few cards from it:

quantumMoon Judgement

So today’s message as I was walking Rufus was: “Empty your cup” which i am interpreting to mean that i have to keep sending out information and energy. It also has to come through me so that there is room for more. I need to just keep channeling it all.
I have kept up with the Elwood P Dowd program- Being as enthusiastically pleasant to people as I can possibly be and it is amazing how many people respond to it in positive ways. Oh some people react to someone smiling at them as if they belong on the short bus or suspiciously but most smile back, its fun.
Also the Morning Has Broken Program-seeing the world and the people around me through fresh new eyes. That one is a bit tougher. It’s the one that i have to fight against habit with the most.
Most of all tho I am enjoying how good life feels lately.

If this is Saturday, It must be Bellingham

Hey folks, a quick note from Bellingham Wa. Aaron and I actually have a few days off while Anne-Marie is staying with the kids. , An amazing day all the way around. We went hiking in the woods and on the beach at Larrabee State Park, shopping and wandering around Fairhaven, which is an area in Bellingham where all the craft stores and used/new bookstores reside,. Amazing people, amazing artwork. great scenary all combined to make Gary a rather happy boy 🙂
More tomorrow on the return.

So Simple and So Much Fun

Like anything else its paradoxical so theoretically it can be para-doctored. Do everything as if it is being done for the first time. Walk the family dog you’ve had for five years. Wash dishes. Have a drink. Eat anything you eat. Feel the newness and delight in it. That goes for communication. Talk to your parents, your children, your siblings, your partner of however many years as if you’ve never talked to them before. Hear what they are saying. It is SO easy to fall into the pattern of hearing what you expect to hear but NO hear THEM as the vital humans you fell in love with and you love.
If we can do that, then we can really view the world with the wonder of a child. There is an old expression that I’ve heard, not sure where that anything that’s done for the first time unleashes a demon. That’s true and they are the type of demons that we need. 🙂 The farthest distance is between zero and one. The whole act of creativity is involved in breaching that distance. So anytime we do something for the first time we are creating.
What’s the paradox? Simple. At the same time we experience things with the wonder of a child we need to also live like it is our last day on earth. With the kind of intensity drive and importance. So everything we do , done as if it were both the first and the last time we are doing it.

There’s something there.

Hermit Wisdom Reading

1-What is the Hermit’s secret?
IX of Pentacles (rev)

IX of Pentacles

2-What is the Hermit’s light?
VIII of Cups (rev)

VIII of Cups

3-What does the light reveal?
The Lovers
The Lovers
4-What three questions does the

Hermit want us to ask?

a) The High Priestess
b) Knight of Pentacles (rev)
Knight of Pentacles
c) King of Wands
King of Wands


What is the Hermit’s Secret? IX of Pentacles (rev)

“lack of discipline, low regard for yourself but also spontaneity over long-term goals”; “Feeling extremely alone-would like to venture and try to communicate”

Before I expanded my online presence (FB, SR, Twitter, Youtube, etc…) I was feeling cut off… Aaron’s career was taking off. Zev’s needs were keeping me home. I felt like I couldn’t make long-term plans for myself, then I expanded my presence (writing more, meeting more people with similar goals and intentiond, making and deepening friendships)

What is the Hermit’s light? VIII of Cups(rev)

“This energy is diminishing”; “Rest is needed” “Karmic circumstances can make a positive change in your life. Take control. Be honest with yourself. “Stop negotiating”; “Look at your obligations full on. They must be dealt with”; “You don’t have to explain because someone wants you to”; “Changing the patterns of relationships”

Hmmmm, well let’s see. In the past while I have definitely been chafing at the bit a lot in my relationships with my family (Aaron and Zev) I have had the insight that they are the source of my strength but no one has said that either marriage or fatherhood were easy choices. I believe that the Hermit’s light is to deal with it all honestly (with new eyes) as my blog last night said and stop negotiating or settling for less than what I want or need.
The light is:

  • Self-honesty
  • Presence
  • Confidence
  • Letting my freak flag fly 😉

It is also shining out who you are-living up to obligations but not disguising yourself to suit another’s needs.

What does the light reveal? The Lovers

“First of all, it signals love”; Other meanings may apply, especially choice”; “Another possible meaning is adolescence or a person coming to a whole new level of themselves” “Finally it can mean a person in harmony with his or her various selves”

I choose the final meaning there 😉 The light of self-harmony of shining out myself to myself and others is helping me harmonize my various questions. Being in love and loving myself and the universe 🙂

4-What 3 questions does the hermit want us to ask?

  1. The High Priestess
  2. Knight of Pentacles (rev)
  3. King of Wands

Could you please restate those in the form of a question? 🙂

  1. When/How/Where (especially with school out for the summer do I carve the time/space for myself to meditate/ write / make videos / go within?
  2. “inertia allowing others to take advantage of you” “Taking more chances or finding other interests”
    How do I shine myself out (commit myself to) being myself enough that I don’t put other people first?
  3. “A very confident figure. He may be impatient with those who think or act too slowly, who cannot keep up with him, or face his tendency to take charge. He has no guile, however or ill will, just a powerful energy”
    How can I manifest in myself the confidence to express who I am without any masques or games?

Because the Past…

Lately things seem to be revving up faster and faster. I feel like I’m surfing some kind of strange energy wave. It feel fun and exciting and I don’t want to overanalyze it too much. I’m feeling much too good to fall prey to the centipede’s dilema

Tonight I asked for guidance before walking Rufus and drew a card (When I say asked for guidance, i don’t mean from God, it was more a general asking from the universe, from the earth, from my higher-self.) The card I drew was IV of Cups. Eileen Conolly’s key for that card is “DO NOT REINFORCE YOUR FEELINGS BY SEPARATING YOURSELF FROM WHAT YOU CAN BE. TO BREAK THIS PATTERN, ENJOY YOUR POTENTIAL.” from the First Handbook for the Master

So armed with that, I took the dog for a walk. As has been happening more and more often lately, one of those fortune cookie type messages came bubbling into my brain.

Break Past Patterns. Look at everything as if you were doing it for the first time without any assumptions of what its going to be like. Talk to everybody you know as if they were someone new whom you really want to get to know. If any thoughts involving past patterns comes up ie “He always treats me this way” or “This always happens” feel it, look at it , recognize the feeling as being a programmed past pattern and move on.
🙂 <3