A High Priestess Reading

1-What is deep within me? VIII of Pent VIII of Pentacles
2-How can I know it? 15-The Devil (reversed)

15-The Devil
15-The Devil
3-How can I be true to it? Ace of Wands (reversed) Ace of Wands
4-What do I need to give out? 1-The Magician(Reversed)

The Magician
The Magician
5-What do I need to keep within? V of Pentacles V of Pentacles

1-What is deep within me? VIII of Pentacles-“stability; satisfaction; continuing in a steady way”; “cycles”-So despite outer chaos, i have an extremely stable core with the ability to achieve fulfillment.

2-How can I know It? The Devil (Reversed)-Liberation; He (or she or both) can free themselves and walk away; Seeing through illusions and turning to the spiritual in life” So the more real i make it, the more centered I become and the more I can accomplish. Watch out for the chains 😉

How can I be true to it? Ace of Wands (Reversed) “Not the time to try something new-Hesitation, setbacks, doubts” If I can only know what is inside of me by freeing myself from illusions then understanding proper timing, neither jumping recklessly nor hesitating is crucial”

4-What do I need to give out-The Magician (Reversed)-Do What I need to do; Don’t hesitate to act; Keep Producing

Don’t Doubt

5-What do I need to keep within-V of Pentacles-“Finding meaning in struggle-Helping the disenfranchised-not sweating the material stuff”

Magician Personal Reading

I am continuing with the exercises in Rachel Pollack’s Book Tarot Wisdom She has at least one spread for each of the major arcana cards in the tarot. Apparently two in some cases.
Here is the second spread that she suggests for the Magician card and the results that I got.
Anybody who may be reading this, I would love some feedback.

The Magician Personal Reading (Put the cards in any order that works for you).

1-What is magic for me? V of Pentacles V of Pentacles
2-How does magic act in my life? VII of Pentacles 7ofpenticles-345x600
3-Where do I look for Magic? 5-The Hierophant (reversed)

The Hierophant
The Hierophant
4-How do I find it? Page of Pentacles-Reversed

Page of Pentacles
Page of Pentacles
5-How do I use it? VIII of Pentacles-Reversed

VIII of Pentacles
VIII of Pentacles
6-How can I become a magician Prince of Cups-reversed

Knight of Cups (Prince)
Knight of Cups (Prince)
What will it mean to me? X of Wands

X of Wands
X of Wands

What does magic mean to me? V of Pentacles – “Finding greater meaning in the ordinary struggles of life” “changes in circumstances” -also healing and comfort to disenfranchised. That kind of works, especially the first. So much of my life has been about searching for meaning and understanding

How does magic act in my life? 7 of Pentacles-“Enjoyment of Nature” “Contemplation of work that has been done or needs to be done”; “Satisfaction” – So putting that together magic acts in a way that brings me closer to nature (closer to my nature)

Where do I look for magic? The Hierophant (Reversed)-Taking the road less traveled- The Unconventional route-Don’t try to fall in line with another person’s truth – Seek my own.

How do I find magic? The Page of Pentacles (Reversed) – Relaxation after intense study, not something i can force or make happen– So I can learn about magic, study it, but i can only find it by not looking. How zen 😉 and how true

How do I use magic? VIII of Pentacles (Reversed)-Time to move to the next level-transitional–after work has been learned [!!!???!!! OK All this after my realizations of yesterday (see last blog entry). What are you trying to tell me universe?]

How can I become a magician? Knight of Cups (reversed) – “Something may stir him to action or inner conflict will become too deed” Taking action in difficult situations” When there is a need and when I have no choice, that is what I will become.

What will magic mean to me? X of Wands “A card of new life and a greater awareness of the meaning of your actions and enthusiasms”

Games, Shortcuts and Powerups

Some things you encounter click for you right away. Some are like time bombs that go off when you least expect it, giving you some kind of explosion in your psyche. For me
one such was Hypnos-Rêveur’s new video Adventure Games. (http://www.youtube.com/my_subscriptions?pi=0&ps=20&sf=added&sa=0&sq=&dm=2&s=91VZGiOnDcw#) I saw the video this morning, was impressed by the talent, then headed out to the gym.
I’ve been finding my workouts gaining a whole new flavour this past couple of weeks. Moments where i am totally focused on lifting the weight (totally mindful) then all of a sudden getting struck by an idea or concept. it’s gotten so that my workout log has taken on the function of recording what is going through my head during a workout as well.

Today i was on my first set, when a voice inside my head said “Stop looking for cheat codes” I realized then that I’ve been looking for some kind of short cut to this ‘level’ of my life. Some way of getting ‘on’ with things. This was huge. There is nothing about my life that I hate or dislike, I am just so ready, in my mind to ‘move on’ Of course this fails the basic test of whether it is time to move on or not. If it was time, then I would and the way would open up before me..

This kind of jibed with the Fool reading I did a couple of days ago. It said I tend to leave things before completion. When they are good but not finished.
Of course this means that, in adventure game terms, I would miss the three treasures, two clues, and four power ups I will need to get through the next stage.

There are no real short cuts on the path.

The Magician Wisdom Reading

It never fails. Every time I do a reading that with the cards that I think is incredibly off, it turns out that the cards are right and that I am off.

Tonight I did the first of the Magician spreads that Rachel Pollack suggests in her book Tarot Wisdom. At first the cards just seemed really odd in how they came out. Then i started really looking and things became a bit more illuminated.

The Magician Wisdom Spread
1) What is Magic? Card VIII of Cups(reversed)
2) How does it act in the world? V of Pentacles
3) How do we find it? VIII of Wands
4) How do we use it? XVI The Tower
5) How do we become magicians IX of Wands (reversed)

Ok Using 90% of Rachel Pollack’s written meanings for the cards. (Her spread, might as well use her interpretation, besides the fact that my intuition has consistently agreed with her over the years

1) What is Magic? VIII of Cups Reversed RWCups08
“Not the time to leave a situation, Need for connection between head and heart; breaking a pattern in relationships.”

So magic then would deal with appropriated timing, uniting the heart and the head (will) and using that will to form new patterns and relationships (new attractive bonds)

2) How does it act in the world? V of Pentacles RW5ofpenticles
“People helping each other when society fails them; Changing physical situations; finding greater meaning in the daily struggle of life”
So in the world, magic acts in the world to help people; change situations and illuminate deeper meaning in life.

3)How can we find magic? VIII of Wands

“Movement; heading towards stability; acting from ideals and constructions of the right thing to do; coming to a conclusion or resolution

so we find magic by deciding what the thing needed to be done is; developing the conviction that it is right and making it happen

4)How do we use magic? XVi-The Tower RW Tower

The Tower is all about dispelling our illusions and our wrongful concepts of how reality works

We use magic to help us remove our old outmoded ways of thinking and clear out old destructive behaviours so that something, new , healthier and boundless can be created

5) How do we become magicians? IX of Wands (reversed)

“finding it difficult to get close to others; a different way to deal with problems; starting something new”
So we become Magicians by setting ourselves up some mental (if not physical) space from others; remove our old patterns of thinking and discover new ways of dealing with problems

Identity – A question (Rhetoric)

Who am I?
Am I the I described by others?
Which others? Which description?
Am I how i describe myself
At what time? In what way? To Who?
Am I my memories?
Am I my emotions?
If I lost my memory would I still be me?
Am I who I was yesterday?
What has changed?
Am I my habits?
If I do things differently will I still be me?
If I change my past
through description and deed
will I still be the same person?
Who is asking the question?

Of Fools and Songs and Sealing Wax…

Well I guess not sealing wax.. Has just been a busy couple of days. Zev was home from school cocooning with the memories of Misty and needing reassurance that we were here. Plus the home visit for Amanda’s burgeoning adult care as opposed to pri-care and the phone ringing every time i sat down. In other words, life and that’s been cool. Not conducive to writing tho.

Lately I’ve been turned on to lots of amazing music from people on Spirit Refuge and that has been heart-lightening. I always seem to have a sound-track going in my head even when there is no exterior music playing and listening to Babble and Nick Drake and Music From the World of Osho and Legendary Pink Dots.. just adds colours to the audial rainbow, so to speak.

I’ve started reading Rachel Pollack’s new book Tarot Wisdom and it is amazing. Her two-volume set Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom has been one of my main referenced for everything I’ve done with the cards for the past 20+ years. This book if anything offers more insight.

One of the things Pollack does is to give one (or more) spread(s) that one can do for each of the cards for the Major Arcana. I’ve been emphasizing with people, new to the cards lately the importance of getting to know how each archetype resonates inside them in order to be able to use the cards effectively,so this is incredible.

I’ve decided to roll these spreads myself to see what comes out. This, from the inside anyway, seems to be such a transformational period for me that it makes sense,

I have always been uncomfortable with the idea of doing readings for myself. In this case tho, to maintain at least a modicum of objectivity (Hisenberg is uncertain) where i write down interpretations at all, i will try to stick to the text .

OK the Fool Reading (as written by Rachel Pollack) and the cards that came out.
1) How have I been a Fool in my life? XIX – The Sun
2) How has it helped me? X of Pentacles
3) How has it hurt me? Knight of Pentacles
4) Where in my life do I need to be more foolish? Page of Cups
5) Where will the Fool not serve me? VII of Pentacles
6) Where will I find the Fool outside myself? II of Cups
7) What gifts does it bring? XI Justice (R)

1) The Sun in readings talks about a time of happiness and joy if not total fulfillment and unity (that would be the world. A lot of times when i come to this place of joy, i have jumped into the next adventure rather than waiting for the coda at the end that would brind the story to its conclusion.

2) Thanks to an amazing and generous family, I have had more opportunity than most to play the fool, to take leaps into new situations rather fearlessly.

3) Unfortunately my instincts have not led me to be the kind of methodical practical person i’d like to be at times

4) need to let myself be freer and more creative with finding time, opportunities to meditate.

5) Again, when it comes time to do work, i need to be more methodical with better planning

6) My relationship has always been one of following our instincts that we should be together. We have tended to follow what feels right each step of the way. Planning has never seemed to work

7) Very little gets to me for long. I can pretty much shrug off stuff that seems to cling to other people for years

more later

Death and Dying (redux)

To quote Spider Robinson, “God is an Iron”. The way Spider meant it in his brilliant funny novel Mindkiller is that if someone who commits gluttony is a glutton and someone who commits felony is a felon, then God is an iron.
Meaning that from our limited perspective, the universe works out in ironic ways. Just a few days, after writing here about how people handle change and death, I have kind of had my nose pushed into my own dealings with the subject.

Our son Zev has a wonderful grandmother. Biologically there is no relationship but she raised Zev from the time he came home from the hospital (at about 3 months old due to how premature he was) to when we adopted him at 3 yrs of age. In those days, Zev was tiny (when he was born he weighed about 1 lb and was probably about new born kitten size) and for the first two years it was touch and go whether he was going to make it and the fact that he did and is now alive and healthy is due in no small part to her
Carolynne Brown is an amazing woman, She has raised 3 of her own children, a few grandchildren, and over the years at least 25 foster kids. She adopted a girl (now a young woman) with severe mental and physical delays and has lovingly raised her. Her daughter Misty was Zev’s first babysitter, Misty, 32 with a 16 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son babysat Zev from the time he was 2 and then babysat him for us until he was about 5 on the few nights we got out.
Misty was Zev’s first play group teacher during the summer when he was 3. Today, as we came to pick up Zev from a night at his grandmother’s, Carolynne got a knock on the door from the Vancouver Police Department. Misty was dead.
I’m not sure of the circumstances. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I sent her light. I sent her gratitude. Carolynne is one of the strongest woman I know. With a house of kids, (4 of them between the ages of 1 and 5) Carolynne, shaken, started dealing with what she had to do. Refusing any help, just asking that we not say anything. We left, tho telling her that anything we could do, just let us know.
I think of Misty’s two childen, and all the other kids in the house, whom all adored Misty and they are in my prayers and dreams.
I have no idea what we are going to say to Zev. A few years back, a dog that Zev knew passed away. I learned something then. Kids latch on to death and morbid things, and try to figure them out. Hey so do we.
I am not afraid of dying myself. Physical death is part of how the universe works. I’m just not sure how to explain this to Zev. It will be tough. There will be tears and we will be present. I will answer his questions as best as i can and try to help him know that he is not alone. That feeling loss and grief when someone passes is normal and just love him. In the end what can you do. R.I.P. Misty.


Yesterday, I went with my friend Margie on a nature hike in North Vancouver. It was beautiful, forest land, a river that at various times either roared or babbled depending on where we were. The sun played hide and seek with clouds to that no area was lit the same for very long.
It was funny, Walking out there, I felt almost as if my spirit was tuning itself to the universe. Just like I tune a guitar, I found different things would come up, my focus would be readjusted and things would just feel..right.
By the end of the hike, I felt more in Harmony, attuned with nature.
Then as it often does, my mind started rambling…
Tuning, Attuning, A-tone-ing….
Yes, fitting in with the universe around me, my soul echoing its own unique tone, just one among the infinite, at one with it all
Day of Atonement — Yom Kippur — the day in the jewish calendar where every sin that has been or may have been committed by us in the last year is apologized for and (theoretically) dealt with,
One of my favorite writers, Spider Robinson, in several of his stories talks about that if telepathic communication is possible then first we have to get rid of all the shit in the communication room. Another way of becoming at-one with others. Or is it the same way?

Video(s) of the Day-Century Plant

One of my favorite songs that I’ve heard in the last year or two. In Stereo–One with Victoria Williams, who wrote the song. The Other from the movie Camp.

What? Now? What now?

Video of the day

So i did it!!! It was a lot of fun too. I might go on to make some others. Partially I feel like i put on the red shoes…and want to see what else i can do…Part of me feels like the most inexperienced musician jamming in a big band.
Funny thing is…what now. This has felt like a pretty big week of self-development. Now its on to the next step whatever that may be.


There is a cliche that the only thing constant in the universe is change. Like most, that has become cliche because it is largely true.
People get so freaked out about change. They try to tie themselves to whatever they consider the most stable thing around just to avoid getting tossed by the winds of change. If the universe is constantly in a state of flux, than is change a thing to be feared?
In the tarot, change is represented mainly by the 13th card in the major arcana Death. In the Rider-Waite deck, Death is shown as a skeleton in black armor on a white horse. A businessman and a king lay in the road trampled by Death. A Bishop stands next in the way, trying to keep Death away by prayer. It appears that he is the next to fall. A maiden with a ring of flowers in her hair kneels in Death’s path offering herself but with her head turned away in denial of her offer. A change comes our way do we cling to the status quo (like the businessmen and the king only to be trampled), Do we welcome it half-heartedly, only to have to process it later or do we welcome all, change and stability with open acceptance (the child)?
A lot of people seem to be either eagerly awaiting the upcoming cycle change in 2012 or fearing what it will bring. I don’t know (my favorite words) but it feels like we have been in the midst of major change for a long time now. I wonder whether the cycle change isn’t some really large event that will happen but a small event that ripples out like a stone that lands in the middle of a brook.