”I acknowledge the privilege of being alive
In a human body at this moment,
Endowed with senses, memories, emotions, thoughts,
And the space of mind in its wisdom aspect.
It is the prayer of my innermost being
To realize my supreme identity
In the liberated play of consciousness,
The Vast Expanse.
Now is the moment,
Here is the place of Liberation.”
–Alex Grey from The Vast Expanse
Since there is not much I can add to the above quote, I will go a bit stream of consciousness and ramble on for a bit. Lately I have been contemplating and discussing with friends a bit what blocks me from going as deep as I can with my writing. Why can I hit a certain level of honesty and sharing and then I veer away sharply? I’ve been circling around this question for awhile and am starting to pinpoint some answers.
Part of it is fear and yes I still have areas of fear that I have not fully integrated yet–I emulate courageousness well and then I stop at the point it touches. my life. Still I have reached new levels of self-honesty. When I tell a story from my past, I might suddenly gain greater insight into what its all about. Having that insight changes my story and thus changes my past. When my past changes, how do I maintain my present. That sounds melodramatic but still feels true, like the glass edges of a wound rubbing
Part of the issue feels like one of safety. This blog is a safe place in which I can speak or so I tell myself. But then i find different levels of safety, at times putting a condom of sorts over my exposed language. It is a prayer of my innermost being to express itself as I express as a human being in this most exciting of times. May it be so.
Blessings, G
Click on images to see full-size
Audience by G A Rosenberg
Undersea Cross by G A Rosenberg
Brilliant quote choice.
Love the Audience image. Profound on many levels.
As I think about your thoughts on greater insight into your past, how that changes the past, and how the relates to the present, it causes me to stop and consider it.
As you know I am a memoirist and as I dig through memories and the feelings, images, and awareness that comes about, as I discover fragments I hadn’t consciously been aware of before the discovery, I have all kinds of things run through me. What I know is the story was what it was. When I am not judging it based on how I’ve been taught to judge it, [what’s good, what’s bad], I find it to be rich and interesting. Raw humanity. A bunch of diamonds in the rough, so to speak. Quite literally evolution in the making. On a more energetic emotional, perhaps even spiritual level.
The thing I have to be very careful with is setting myself up to fail, at what I feel is a calling, [even though I am not clear as to why I have been called to witness [out-loud] what happened], by getting hung up on forgiveness and therefore shutting up.
It is not my place to forgive. I quite honestly don’t think I believe in the concept in the way we use it, as it ties into the belief that this life is a test of how well we succeed at that. Which I think is dead wrong. The goal to get good, judging what good looks like, feels like, has left a whole lot of our humanity out of our story. Humanity is messy, for most of us. But before we have a chance to share that, own it, evolve with and through it, we forgive. Come to a place where we ‘think’ we understand it. And that comes many times from the perspective of now that we are ‘good’ we rise above ‘bad.’
If you talk about it you get accused of not forgiving. Being stuck in the past. When did the past become a dirty word? The answers are not found in the back of the book. There we find The End.
I guess for me what i find happening is that as I understand some of my motivations better, losing some of the rationalizations i used then, changes me now. Thank you so much for your insight…and for continuing to come and see what’s up on the spiral — both are much appreciated