Tag Archives: autobiography

Rufus’s Lessons

 

“Over the years I’ve come to appreciate how animals enter our lives prepared to teach and far from being burdened by an inability to speak they have many different ways to communicate. It is up to us to listen more than hear, to look into more than past.”
― Nick Trout

 

Today my son and I watched as the vet put our dog to sleep. It came somewhat out of the blue. I knew that he had not been acting quite like himself and put it down to something that he had gotten into. Unfortunately after picking him up after our camping trip, it seemed his condition had deteriorated. It turns out that due to a number of possible causes his kidney and liver had all but shut down. I called my partner who was out of town on business and then called my son and gave him the option to come to the vet and say goodbye. Probably one of the most painful things either of us have had to do.
I’ve learned quite a bit from Rufus over the years. His endless patience with humans and his total lack of it with any other animals notwithstanding, He was an amazing being. He taught me acceptance of anything that comes in life. He taught me that the best defence to being caught doing something that others disapprove of is to act puzzled, as if I have no idea how I came to be in these circumstances. For Rufus, the escape artist supreme this usually involved all of us including him how he ended up in the front yard in the first place. He taught me to love openly and accept almost everybody. He taught me how to claim both time and space for myself when necessary. He taught me that sometimes cuddling on the kitchen floor with a loved one can make almost any day a bit better. This is not such a bad legacy for a 10 yr old Irish Terrier.
Blessings, G

 

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Awaiting at the Rainbow BridgeAwaiting the Rainbow Bridge by G A Rosenberg

 

Dark StarDark Star by G A Rosenberg

The Fear of Depths

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison

 

Earlier today, I was challenged by a friend who remarked that I never talk about my own fears and that I stay emotionally safe and comfortable in most of my entries here. At first I reacted the way I normally react when challenged. “I don’t have time for this crap right now.” I didn’t send that reply because I have come to realize when I have that response, it normally means that something has hit home and I need to look at it. When I did a realization started dawning and I realized that I have a fear of expressing and probing some of my deeper emotions and what a block it has been.
When I was younger I used to lash out at people and I was intuitive enough to hone in on just what would cause them the most pain.. and would use it on them. It cost me friendships and hurt my relationships with my family… Very few people want to examine their pain. I learned all kinds of neat ways of avoiding feeling things as deeply because i couldn’t handle hurting people. I’ve learned other ways of distancing even while pretending to draw closer so that i don’t have to feel the intensity of their emotions as well.
Most of my closest relationships have been with people who have reinforced this emotional denial mostly by reacting strongly when they sensed disapproval or disagreement from me. It became easier to mask the emotion rather than express it.
In the past years, I have become a lot more open and expressive. If Pandora’s box hasn’t been thrown open, the lid has been raised and I’ve been looking deeper into it. I have found that I can express myself in a way that’s both open, realizing another’s weakness but healing, expressing it in a way that can be resolved. The journey continues.
Blessings, G

 

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Trappings of LoveTrappings of Love by G A Rosenberg

 

Floating Ruby and AmethystFloating Ruby and Amethyst by G A Rosenberg