Month: November 2013

Snapshots Public and Private

 

“I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, our actual night, the hell of it”
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road

 

One of the bigger quandaries for me as a father has been trying to decide how much to tell my son about some of my adventures as a teenager and young adult. I find that on the one hand while I want him to know that I’ll understand if life throws him some bizarre curves yet at the same time I don’t necessarily want him to make some of the more foolhardy choices I made. I do know that in all probability he will make his own. The question is how much can I tell him without romanticizing, with letting him know how difficult some of it was and how while I have very few regrets I would hope that he need not need some of the more difficult lessons that I had to learn. But then I know eventually he will hear all of the stories. Of course by that time, he may have kids of his own and his own choices about how much of his past to share.
Blessings, G

 

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Shaping Electric DreamsShaping Electric Dreams by G A Rosenberg

 

Temple MandalaEdifice by G A Rosenberg

Truth Will Out…

 

“It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.”
― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

 

Truth Liberates. Yet first because truth illuminates falsehood, we suffer if only it is the dissolution of the illusions that we live with. “I stay in this relationship for my children.” “Noone need ever know.” “I am doing this for you not for me.” Truth shows us our self interest and our rationalizations and makes us see ourselves for who we are. Of course this comes with the opportunity to become something better yet first comes that shock and yes that suffering. It’s not a bad trade tho it sucks at the time. Yet truth will out eventually.
Blessings, G

 

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Illusory EdificeIllusory Edifice by G A Rosenberg

 

The Burning WebThe Burning Web by G A Rosenberg

Facing the Unforgiving Moment…

 

“Time and I have quarrelled. All hours are midnight now. I had a clock and a watch, but I destroyed them both. I could not bear the way they mocked me.”
― Susanna Clarke

 

Time, the illusory teacher. Something that we use to make sense and order out of chaos. I feel so aware of its passage and how it keeps speeding up as I seem to be slowing down. I can’t argue the fact so I don’t feel mocked as such yet part of me still like Rudyard Kipling seeks to “fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run” yet my focus seems widespread at the best of times so in any given sixty seconds i am likely to be doing about 20 seconds of three different things. Yet quite honestly I prefer it that way. As much as I enjoy progress, I love skipping from task to task subject to subject like a stone. I still believe the focus will come as understanding deepens. Only time will tell 🙂
Blessings, G

 

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Woman of Unique Vision Confronted by Faces of TimeWoman of Unique Vision Confronted by the Faces of Time by G A Rosenberg

 

Sapphire and FlameSapphire and Flame by G A Rosenberg

One Brief Moment

 

“That is where my dearest and brightest dreams have ranged — to hear for the duration of a heartbeat the universe and the totality of life in its mysterious, innate harmony.”
― Hermann Hesse, Gertrude

 

To hear for a moment
the universal chord
and to harmonize in an infinite instant…
to know that brief moment
then have it slip
bereft and longing
like seeing the sun
then locked in a closet
in my head

 

How do you regain a moment once had? How do you find your way back to where thanks to grace you’ve had a chance to be. To feel that moment of connectiveness. How does that moment change your life and what new quests does it send you on? It seems to me that one moment is both too long and way too short.
Blessings, G

 

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Moving Along in A Fractal LandscapeMoving along in a Surreal Landscape by G A Rosenberg

 

Minimalized Filtered BeachMinimalized Filtered Beach by G A Rosenberg

Healing the Wounds

 

“Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as a secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.”
― Leonard Cohen

 

His emotional wounds called to me. They were so sharp and so painful that I had to look for myself. He had never felt special enough to anyone and asked for a space in my heart. I felt that wound myself so I tried to give it to him. Then I realized that the reason I felt his wound was because I had the same one. I wanted to matter, to have weight for someone. If I mattered to but one person than I would feel more worth in myself.
Is a weight what I wanted to be to anyone tho? Something that would hold them or myself down. Far better to be a balloon, something that would lift the spirits and add buoyancy. I could only do that by healing that part that needed to matter to anyone including myself.
How do you heal a wound tho? The first step is to admit that it exists not so much as an object of aversion but as something to deal with. Then can come treatments of affirmations and healing but never denial. I catch myself with amusement when i see myself enter needy mode, not in a derisive way but in a way that acknowledges what I feel. I already ‘know’ all the whys of it. Why I needn’t feel that way and all the self-talk in the opposite direction yet I feel what I feel. Each time that is honoured but acknowledged for what it is, It becomes that much easier to do without.
One day I’ll have realized how long it has been since the last time I felt unworthy. The wound has healed leaving only the slightest of scars.
Blessings, G

 

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Freedom on a Stormy DayFinding Freedom a Stormy Evening by G A Rosenberg

 

Purple Feather MandalaPurple Feather Mandala by G A Rosenberg

Feelings

 

“Let’s tell the truth to people. When people ask, ‘How are you?’ have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avaoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.”
― Maya Angelou

 

I feel exhausted
exhilarated
annoyed
amused
unmotivated
envy
hurt
humbled
grateful
tired
hilarious
insecure
unfulfilled
satisfied
unsatisfied
joy
pain
lust
love
pissed off
pissed on
silly
appreciative
connected.

Blessings, G

 

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Staring Out Drawing InStaring Out, Drawing In by G A Rosenberg

 

Solar PatternsSolar Patterns by G A Rosenberg

Surrendering Boredom

 

“As for the journey of life; at some point you will realize that YOU are the driver and you will drive!”
― Steve Maraboli

 

Accountability is a double-edged sword. If I realize that it is up to me to be interested, invested and entertained and not the universe than I have to either surrender boredom or admit to boring myself. Of course the alternative may end up being things like spending time stuck in traffic imagining the Barry Manilow songbook as performed by William Shatner or time in a bank line up identifying which animals each person I looked at reminded me of the most. I have spent more time doing activities like those than I might care to admit but then I don’t have much problem keeping myself entertained. I also have learned its possible to see almost anything as meditation. Boredom isn’t the only thing that I had to give up tho. If entertainment is up to me and not the universe than I have surrendered the right to ever complain about having a bad time. Because what would I complain about? As I said a double-edged sword indeed. I don’t think I’d have it any other way.
Blessings, G

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Exposed to the Chamber's SecretsExposed to the Chamber’s Secrets by G A Rosenberg

 

Crystal Calendar MandalaCrystal Calendar by G A Rosenberg

Self-Consciousness

 

“Self-consciousness is the enemy of all art, be it acting, writing, painting, or living itself, which is the greatest art of all.”
― Ray Bradbury

 

Self-consciousness does seem to be the most double-edged of awarenesses. On the one hand, self-consciousness can be defined as mindful awareness of what one is doing and its possible consequences. Awareness tends to be a good thing, no? Well I guess it all depends on what you do with it. We can use our awareness and act in incredibly mindful ways that benefit everyone involved the most or we can react in fear to our awareness and have it freeze us into immobility because almost everything we do can be criticized by others and very few things we do have no darker aspect to them. If any action can lead to negative consequences does that mean inaction is better. Doubtful as even that, perhaps especially that will have effects that ripple out. To me I would rather choose action.
Blessings, G

 

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Exploding SolidsBlasted Geometry by G A Rosenberg

 

Fractal WavesFractal Waves by G A Rosenberg