“I use the words you taught me. If they don’t mean anything any more, teach me others. Or let me be silent.”
— Samuel Beckett
I have no words yet still I’m asked to speak. No subject or object tho plenty of objection. Shall I speak of the peace I seek yet find only pieces of? Will whispered words of social grace with no content make you content? What are the right wards that will keep away your loneliness and how shall I utter them? Do you wish communication without communion between us or interlocution when neither of us can find ourselves?
I can offer you my thoughts but don’t know whether you can weather the storm. I burn for understanding yet is it to know or to be known, that is unbeknownst.
I will hold your hands in silence and perhaps that will be enough.
“So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.”
— Rainbow Rowell
Sometimes its not a matter of fixing our lives. I, for one, don’t know if I could fix it or even if it needs fixing. Sometimes I need an attitude adjustment but I find that my attitude like most things tends to change from moment to moment, day to day. I don’t seem to be one of those who can stay angry, depressed or even joyful for more than a few moments at a time. I find though if I focus on the things that make me happy that my life tends to feel better. It also helps if I take care of the things that avoiding would bring guilt or would end me up with unnecessary complications. The rest is a work in progress tho the more I focus on the positives and strengths the better I tend to do.
“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.”
— Auguste Rodin
Each experience that comes our way is all grist for the mill of soul. If we live uncountable lives than its all an act anyway so we might as well experience everything we can. We can adapt viewpoints and create whatever we wish and each experience makes us wiser. The pieces all go back in the box at the end and it all balances. Our soul on its journey may encompass everything and nothing gets missed. Both everything and nothing matters in the (very) long run tho love and other strong emotions empower us. At least that is my working theory of the moment.
“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.”
— Alan Watts
I am a wave upon the water
and I crash into your land
I may destroy all of your buildings
and you’ll never understand.
That nothing lasts forever
but some last more than most
the ocean and the mountains
are the last to give up the ghost.
I am a redwood in the forest
and I’m growing towards the sky
Tho I’m a slow Galapagos turtle
and no one can see me cry
I am a force of nature
and I will never back down
So keep yourself protected
never know when I’ll come around.
I may tear your world apart
that was never my intent
I’m just doing what I’m living
and I’ll do it till I’m spent
but I’m feeling mighty lonely
as I continue on my trail
I know that you’re a force too
won’t you teach me how to feel?
— G A Rosenberg
Click on images to see full-sized:
Swamp Seed by G A Rosenberg
Would You Fold on a Hand Like This? by G A Rosenberg
“Don’t be afraid. There are exquisite things in store for you. This is merely the beginning.”
Tomorrow is another Thanksgiving Day in the United States. I am ambivalent to say the least about the origins of the holiday yet for me it invokes memories of family and good food, closeness and feelings of gratitude. Tho my ideas of who I am grateful to and what I am grateful for have evolved throughout the years, there is much satisfaction in looking at the positives in my life and being appreciative.
In the west we tend to become fairly jaded. Most of us feel quite put-upon when the ratio of positive to negative in our lives shifts even slightly towards the negative. I feel pretty certain in saying that at least as far as life’s comforts go, that anyone who can read this definitely has a life that is weighted towards the positive. Perhaps a day is needed to remind us of that every now and then. For me it helps.
” What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise? ”
Through social media I have made many connections and many friends. Many of them quite a bit younger in their twenties and thirties and I find that this, together with watching my son struggle through his teenage years gives me more perspective and possibly less forget-ery about how rough it is to grow up in this world. I also feel that it is becoming more difficult rather than easier. The world wide web allows us to see other people in their struggles and triumphs and we can see lives that could be ours if only we could break away from where we were. The fact that many of the people living these lives also wish that they could break away is quite besides the point.
Lately tho it seems that every week or two, one or another of my Facebook acquaintances talks about life being too rough. They talk quite a bit about ending their lives and one or two even attempt to do so. Luckily, very few of the people I’ve known who talk about ending it on social media are successful at doing so. Friends find them and get them help or they talk themselves out of it. Perhaps once or twice I have had a hand in talking them out of it myself. Funny given my views on the subject.
You see I feel that we all have the right to end our lives any time we wish. No one else can know first hand the struggles that another goes through or what their capacity may be. I feel that most times it is a somewhat selfish act as in almost all cases, loved ones are left behind who have to deal with it. Yet some pain goes beyond that. I also believe in reincarnation and as I have told a few people, “No matter how rough this life feels now, how do you know that the next time around won’t be even rougher.
Even tho that to me is a powerful argument, there is one that has always clinched it. I am too curious to see what is going to happen next both to myself and to the external (sic) world. My life has been far from normal with some truly bizarre twists. I know that things can change in a moment. There are so many things going on in this world and the balance is so precarious that I am at the edge of my seat wondering what is next to come. These are the things that keep me going through the rough times. Well, that and I have others who emotionally depend on me and to leave them would be both irresponsible and reprehensible. Plus I have realized that happiness is quite often a choice as is misery and that in the worst of times a golden moment can come.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
― Brené Brown
Who do I want to be in this world? How can my actions reflect my true inner self? Only I can control this. If I pass the reign to others, then I surrender myself. If I act or refrain from acting because I am worried about the response than I become something lesser. Authenticity is addictive. The more we act as ourselves, the easier it becomes to do so. The more we compromise ourselves, the easier that becomes as well and it is a slippery slope that leads to all forms of distress both physically and emotionally.