“Our going forth to find the greater Self is by the path we know least; by losing ourselves until we find ourselves.”
— Austin Osman Spare- The Logomachy of Zos
I know what it is to feel lost. Either through not knowing the right step to take when all the choices look either deceptively good or deceptively bad or by being so flooded by contradictory information that I don’t know which way to turn. As I’ve written before, I have grown somewhat comfortable with not having all the answers and it would be vastly out of character if I was to act as if I did. Yet sometimes the questions feel more crucial. How do I help those I love to feel safe and happy? How can I help others when I don’t know which way to turn? What if after all this time discovering even a part of who I am, I find that that part is not workable in the life that I live? Sometimes it can feel pretty dark yet it is at those times that something astounding happens. I hear a voice inside my head saying “Shhhhhh, it’s not as important as you think and you will make it through.”. That voice, that inner clown mother that tells me I am taking things way too seriously and that the only way to get through anything is just flow through till I make it. If I start drowning, I just need to keep kicking. Either I’ll make it to the surface or I’ll drown trying and that will just be another beginning. Sometimes I don’t have to win, I just have to survive . It’s the giving up that will destroy me. If times are hard for awhile, that’s just what they’ll be. That practical somewhat hopeful side of me is one I haven’t seen for awhile and I’ve missed it. An old internal friend has returned and as long as I keep going will not disappear again.
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