Month: May 2012

Mistakes No Mistake

““When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”
― Paulo Coelho

I’d like to thank my mistakes for helping me become myself and spurring me onwards. I wouldn’t change a one of you. It seems so many of the positive things that exist in my life now (I have much to be grateful for) have come about through the events of my life falling in domino like patterns that have led me to here. I find chaos theory easier to believe in than chance these days with the universe’s dance constantly in motion. I would change nothing that has happened to me so far and if I were to meet myself as a younger man would just listen knowing that what was ahead would be by and large worth it
Blessings, G

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Pyramiding Scraps by G A Rosenberg

Flowerburst by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 22 2012

“If one wants to be active, one must not be afraid of going wrong, one must not be afraid of making mistakes now and then. Many people think that they will become good just by doing no harm — but that’s a lie…. That way lies stagnation, mediocrity.”
Vincent Van Gogh

And now for something at least slightly different….

Journey Down the Dream Corridor… a story fragment in early draft

In my dream I was standing when I heard a voice, I was uncertain of the gender but it was soft and mellow

“Have you forgiven yourself yet?

I started walking or at least moving like I do in dreams and walked into the next room
A woman was there, unfamiliar and yet known. Heavy set yet short with a face framed by brown hair, looking old fashioned but sweet with eyes that shone like they used to maybe with a touch more weariness

“Rosante?” I asked

“Yes, its been awhile.”

“It’s been thirty-two years since Jan forbade me from seeing you again. Because i…”

“Because you told me you knew about me and Jan. That he would touch me and ask me to touch him. I’ve never seen him so angry and I never felt so shattered. Or maybe so free.”

“He was my best friend”

“He was my brother and my lover. He was also yours”

“No, well only the two times” I laughed tho its the kind of laugh that scrapes glass across your inside.

“You wanted more.” She said softy not accusingly and took my hand. “I knew you didn’t want me for myself but for what I represented. A way to be closer to him”

“No.” i shook my head “That’s not true”. Tho I knew it was.. I felt my surroundings start to spin

“It’s ok. I moved on, got some therapy got myself together. You were kind to me. I forgave you long ago.”She moved over to a window I hadn’t noticed before.

“The question is have you forgiven yourself”

I thought I had. I had long ago reconciled with the loss of friendship not only of Jan but of Rose as well. I had felt guilty about that bit of innocence, my spoken knowledge and Jan’s anger had ripped from her but I had always thought that it was her that I wanted for herself. Could it have been all about Jan. He had been my first teacher in the realm of magic, spirituality, qabalah and Castaneda. He seduced me, saying he sensed that element in my nature. We had been roommates for a few years and occasionally double dated girls whom Jan worked with at the mall.

Then he introduced me to Rose and told me the story of the sister whom he comforted and held through the tyranny of their mother’s second marriage. The sister whom he took advantage of, describing to me all the times he had disrobed her of the negligees that he bought for her. I met her and fell hard or so I thought. Could it have realy been all about Jan?

Still it had been so long ago. It taught me discretion and that sometimes it is better to not say what you know just because you have shared knowledge with another. I kept tabs for awhile. I found that Rose had started to date Jack, another friend and student of Jan’s so I figured in the long run no permanent damage was done.

Now I realized that I had wanted Rose not for herself but as an object of affection I knew what that felt like . I looked at Rose. “Yes..”
“Goodbye then,” she started fading and where she had been standing was a new door partly ajar

I heard the question again as I reached for the doorknob.

“Have you forgiven yourself?”

There will be more to the story as the Dream Corridor has many rooms and  forgiveness and redemption an ongoing process.
Blessings, G

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Inside the Dragon’s Mouth by G A Rosenberg

Funhouse Corridor in Chapel Perilous by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 21 2012

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes. ”
― Pema Chödrön

Funny, how before reading this tonight, I thought of compassion as something that we have for other people. The way I have always thought of compassion was the quality of putting ourselves into another person’s footsteps, seeing life from the inside of another’s head. Perhaps I need to turn it around and focus for a bit on how it feels to live inside my own, at least as important.

I know its not so much seeing my heart as another’s but seeing another’s as my own. By compassion also not meaning sympathy or pity but being willing to look and be authentically. Perhaps that is a prerequisite to feeling true compassion for another.
Blessings, G

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Lava Spin Mandala by G Rosenberg

Visage of Pisces by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 20 2012

“Lovers find secret places inside this violent world where they make transactions with beauty”
–Rumi

 

Enter the secret place
that lies between my ears
I live at the crossroads
each moment being where past meets future
and here meets there
From here all choices are possible
possible? nay necessary
or perhaps inevitable

 

I’ve always loved the in-between places, the hallways where any door is open to choice and new ones appear as old ones close forever. Each doorway begins a journey. All I have to do is choose.
Blessings G

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Fire Works (Take Two) by G A Rosenberg

Floating Stars by G A Rosenberg

Angelic by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 19 2012

“My eyes were glued on life
and they were full of tears.”
― Jack Kerouac

Man raises his hand
A smaller being cowers
tears fall from my eyes

 

A country insists
only some people matter
tears fall from my eyes

 

when someone forgets
they’re a human being first
tears fall from my eyes

 

Pollute and Consume
Wound the heart of our mother
tears fall from my eyes

 

When despite it all
I realize love still exists
tears fall from my eyes

 

Haikus are wonderfully clearing for the mind, kind of like five finger exercises for the piano

I have felt a bit disjointed as my writing may convey–Communication’s a funny thing init– Still feels like i’m transitioning from something to something tho it could just be the upcoming eclipse..

Still in talking to you I have found a new venue for communicating with myself for which I thank you.
Blessings, G

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Peacock Feathers by G A Rosenberg

Fire Works by G A Rosenberg

Patterns

“Your self image is your pattern!. Every thought has an activity visualized. Every activity belongs to a pattern. You identify with your pattern or thought. Your patterns leads your life.”
J. G. Gallimore

So then is Gallimore using the word pattern where we we have been seeing the word story used elsewhere? A story told round and round again falls into a pattern weaving its way outwards.

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Parrot Feathers by G A Rosenberg

Heart Mandala by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 18 2012

“We are our own dragons and our own heroes. We must rescue ourselves from ourselves.”
― Peter S. Beagle

Look in the mirror
Hero or clown reflects back
Choice turns back to you

When I saved myself
I would appreciate
in value someday

My dragon devours
All parts of myself I’d lost
Neighbour’s cat missing

Thinking in Haiku
expressing thought in new ways
frees the fenced in mind

But then I left my meter running
and my scansion got declined

In Peter S Beagle’s quote who trapped us in the first place? Why? Hero, Captive, Dragon what other roles do we play.. Ah yes Director and Set Designer as well

Blessings, G

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Fractal Beings Telling Stories by G A Rosenberg

Stone Grove by G A Rosenberg

Golden Wings by G A Rosenberg

Quote of the Day – May 17 2012

“Don’t be intimidated by other people’s opinions. Only mediocrity is sure of itself, so take risks and do what you really want to do.”
–Paulo Coelho

Why do we care so much what others think? For so long I believed what everyone told me.  It definitely made my teenage years hell. I gave everyone space in my head without charging rent.  I started curing myself of this by running away at seventeen and joining  a religious cult. For five months I tried my best to make myself into what other people who told me they loved me told me I should be. Even when I saw contradictions in their own characters I tried to force myself into the shape of their ‘loving instructions’.  One day I had had enough and had a strong sense of the THIS IS WRONG’s. I left and returned cross country to my home. I was shattered. My belief system had fallen and it couldn’t get up.

Now I was back to people telling me familiar opinions of how reality was. The only difference was that now neither their version nor the cult’s version worked for me. I tried charismatic catholicism. Wow this was cool.  I find few things as attractive as pure faith. However it can be pretty awkward being the only person in church who isn’t speaking in tongues. Strike one more off the list.

Over the ensuing decades I tried to force myself into so many different shapes, each suggested by others. Gradually I came to realize that just by virtue of being open to so many, I was flying in the face of almost all of them. They all seemed to have some truth to them and work (to various degrees) for those practicing them but how could all be right. These thoughts formed in my head quite awhile before I started reading Ken Wilber and other Integral writers. Somewhere along the line I developed a sense of humour about it all that helped. I still might throw myself into something headfirst but now at least I realized that it probably wasn’t THE answer and almost definitely was only part of My Answer but I went into things honouring the people following them and open to whatever would come.

A large part of what I wanted to do was to understand. From very early on I grasped that understanding how a person defined the universe and themselves in relationship to the universe was a key component in understanding the person and so the more beliefs I can understand, the more people. They all can be given a voice as long as my inner voice, the one that speaks quietest remains paramount.

Blessings, G

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Rise by G A Rosenberg

Eye Journey by G A Rosenberg